here's a rather belated reflection of friday's rather...unique happenings. well of course there was the national day celebrations in school, along with that ridiculous connect singapore thing. ok now i don't want to go all out and bash the thing like so many people have been doing, because i admit that the idea sounds good, and i appreciate that it's not that easy to form the shape properly. but having said that, i honestly found the thing quite fail. they showed the picture during the service and ohmygoodnessgraciousme it looked, bad. perhaps they could have arranged us standing parallel to the line instead, so the edges wouldn't be so jagged. ok never mind, whatever........

so after school, of course there was the usual going out to the movies, playing soccer, etc etc. perfect relax formula: school ends early, it's a friday, and monday's a holiday. so everyone goes out to have fun. BUT NOT ME.

i had thought about these post-school activities the previous night, and i discovered that all this 'socializing' and chilling after these so-called 'slack and pointless' days, such as cross-country, founder's day, national day etc, are really getting boring and repetitive. ok i know this may not really make much sense but on thursday night, i thought about what i would do after school the next day, and i was immediately reminded of the recent cross-country day. and i felt sick about always trying to be among the 'cool' and 'normal' crowd of going out and having fun after these type of days. i mean, it's not bad or anything, but i'm just getting sick of it. i thought about the cross-country day and how at times during the time at vivocity that day, i actually felt that the outing was completely pointless. like i was going out instead of home, just for the sake of it, just because it's the 'normal' thing to do, just because everyone else is doing so. i felt bored and i really didn't see the point of the outing at all. i wasn't even like enjoying myself or anything. i was there because of the herd mentality and the desire to avoid work. but it was so stupid. like, lunch at food republic was actually the highlight of the entire damned thing. no, there was no movie, no serious shopping, or bowling or whatever proper outing activities. just eat and walk around aimlessly trying to decide what to do, and after some time, go home. effing waste of life.

and i realize it's not just the cross-country day. similar situations have occurred many times before. same pattern. after the school event finishes, i feel slack and i get excited about the outing ahead of me, then slowly as the outing progresses, i realize it's pointless and i get bored, and i feel like i'm out here just for the sake of going out. and strangely, i don't really enjoy watching movies, so yeah there's really not much point going out because many times the others would go for a movie and i would just leave at that point. so after thinking through all this on thursday night, i decided that i would not bother looking for people to go out with the next day, and i told myself that whatever urge to go out after the event is just temporary and i would regret going out yet again.

so on friday, after the thing, i just hung around the sac awhile with friends, and yes they were going out after that. as planned, i didn't follow them. instead i just stayed in school and found some quiet place to be alone. ok i know this sounds really weird and like, why don't you just go home then? ok it's a little strange but i think, not really what. i mean basically i'm just not used to going home so early after school, so i just decided to stay in school and do some work, think about life, have some quiet tranquil time to myself. and i found it quite therapeutic actually. i think sometimes in the mad rush of life, what i really want is some time alone, to myself, when i am free to do (almost) anything i want, when i can sing/dance/talk to myself/be spastic without anyone looking and thinking what the **** is wrong with this guy. yeah so basically i just hung around with myself, had some time to myself, then i left around 6 or so. oh and i managed to do the Testing the Reality commentary during that time too...

weekends were...blahhh....normal..boring....nothing worth reflecting on...