it's funny, but i think i would quite like a more hectic lifestyle. yes, when the whole world's going crazy over work and bending over backwards just to try and cram every single one of their gazillion activities into 24 hours, here i am wishing and longing for more buzz in my life.

and it's not as if i'm so free you know. it's not like i've got absolutely nothing to do and i find myself lazing around and lying in bed until midday simply because there's nothing to do after i get up. no, man, it's so not like that. in fact, it's quite the contrary really.

so why do i crave more rush, more happenings, more life in my life? well, it's probably a matter of feeling this human urge to socialize, this innate, deep-residing need to go out and talk to people, to see and be seen. because i want to fill my life and my time with so much stuff that i don't have to be alone, so that i won't end up vegetating and rotting away.

but then again, being alone and away from the hustle and bustle of society can be refreshing and invigorating. i wonder how it would be like if in the course of my lifetime so far, i didn't get to know anybody, i didn't get the chance to mix around with anyone, anywhere. would i be in a state of bliss? if you don't get to know anyone, you can't experience the feeling of missing anyone right? so that's one less negative feeling. and perhaps i wouldn't feel lonely, because i would think that being alone all the time is a most natural state of being. i certainly do like being alone sometimes, especially if i'm at an isolated and picturesque location. such situations are where i can really think about things like my happiness, my work, my walk and relationship with God, and so on. it can be great really, a welcome change from thinking about like, when this assignment is due, what time my appointment tomorrow is, what is tested for the upcoming test, and how many words i've covered for my EE.

but in spite of such benefits of being alone, i guess it's natural to want to socialize and rush around at times. therefore the desire to pack my life.

in addition, being busy forces one to practise the valuable skill of being constantly self-disciplined in managing his time. if i were really busy, with loads of stuff going on simultaneously, i think i would have no choice but to be an excellent steward of my time, and even my resources, and my life in general. there would be no room for wallowing in self-pity, indulging in extravagant activities and other related unproductive matters. i wouldn't be slack, but instead, constantly on the go. and i believe being busy and having loads of things to do does not necessarily mean being stressed or zonked out at the end of the day. because i think if i really manage my life with aplomb, i would find time amidst all the work for recreation and rest as well. although it can be argued that if i were freer, i would not even need to be so disciplined and well-organized anyway, i think that being too free would cause me to over-relax and this would lead to a fall in the standard and quality of any work produced. so i think being busy and managing my life well would be preferable to being free and lazing around.

so please, dear Lord, create in me a life of vibrance.