i really do not know why it keeps ending up like this. i think after a while, it gets really depressing. you just keep receiving repeated pummellings and the endless onslaughts hack away at your confidence, your self-belief, your soul, and pretty much your whole being. and it's not even supposed to be like, anything big or major. just some small little simple thing, as mundane as deciding where to meet up, or what movie to watch, or what to do, or which piece of work i must accomplish today.

small stuff like that. and i don't seem to be very good at getting them right.

2008 is all but over. and i don't get just why at the end of the year, when people reflect about the year gone by, it's always overwhelmingly positive. whatever horrid stuff that has happened, whatever mud you've been dragged through, just doesn't seem to suppose to matter. even if people acknowledge that there've been bad times, they just gloss over them and dismiss them without so much as a backward glance. i don't understand why it's generally considered negative and pessimistic and EMO to feel bad about the year gone by, and to admit it. i'm sure lots and lots of people, if given the chance, would want to live the year, even their entire lives, all over again. if you genuinely feel negative about it, why not just say it?

i think it's been happening to me a lot. and i can't help but feel so terribly negative about this lengthy vacation period, again. it's a cycle really, and just why it is so hard to escape it perplexes me. every year, at the end of the year. it just feels so bad and so wasted and so @#$% and so jhuiwhjokqiuqhjoqoajsjmewgdydjkda.

there's always a part of me telling myself that i must continue to trust God, that He will definitely show me a way out of the enveloping darkness, that there will indeed be light at the end of that seemingly never-ending tunnel, because He has promised that He will not give us more than we can bear.

but sometimes, it's just SO hard to see things that way.

"If the Ferrari president is right about the Singapore GP being a circus, then we have to be grateful to him for providing the clowns." -Bernie Ecclestone

sigh!! eh, really sad that vietnam clinched the AFF suzuki cup =( or rather, more like i'm sad thailand lost.

ok i'm not really sure myself why i would have preferred thailand to have won actually. LOL. it's just, as they say, ONE OF THOSE THINGS.

fine fine, perhaps the viets do deserve their victory, defeating the two previous champions along the way (my poor darling Lions, sob). they certainly have played commendably: stout defending, especially that guy, le phuoc tu? i think. attacking with pace and flair....

but somehow there's just this...charm?! about the thais..LOL. ok, i really don't know how to describe it, just so lovely to watch them. but yeah, admittedly, the general consensus is that many of them have disappointed in this tournament. certainly, a lot more was expected of dudes like datsakorn thonglao and suree sukha etc etc...BLEH..

oh, and personally, i find it quite funny that duong hong son clinched the MVP award. but then again, well, perhaps there hasn't really been any single player who has really stood out in this tournament.

finally. an arsenal win.

it's been a really horrid time to support this bunch of guys i tell you. they really have the capacity to frustrate you beyond measure! conceding last-gasp equalizers or winners, utterly dominating but failing to score, throwing away two-goal leads?! you name it, arsenal's done it.

well. and it seems liverpool certainly are a lot tougher these days. but they've been fortunate results have been going their way too! on numerous occasions, when they've slipped up, chelsea, while breathing down their necks, have failed to take full advantage.

but certainly, credit to pool. they certainly do appear to have loads of quality, and have also demonstrated an ability to grind out results, even when not dominating.

and eh i must say, if the title's really beginning to look out of arsenal's grasp, i'm really hoping pool will clinch it heh =) please please just keep it away from manchester united or chelsea....and hey, aston villa winning it would be cool too!

"It just shows you how far this club has come that the giants of the world are looking at our players. We might not have the best of surroundings to do interviews, you might go to other places and have champagne and canapes - whereas here you get a mince pie and a cup of tea out of a machine - but the most important thing is what I have got on the pitch." -Steve Bruce

this Christmas, let us all pause to reflect upon the true meaning of Christmas!

Santa lives at the North Pole
JESUS is everywhere

Santa rides in a sleigh
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water

Santa comes but once a year
JESUS is an ever present help

Santa fills your stockings with goodies
JESUS supplies all your needs

Santa comes down your chimney uninvited
JESUS stands at your door and knocks.. and then enters your heart

You have to stand in line to see Santa
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name

Santa lets you sit on his lap
JESUS lets you rest in His arms

Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, What's your name?"
JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads

Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly
JESUS has a heart full of love

All Santa can offer is Ho Ho Ho
JESUS offers Health, Help and Hope

Santa says "You better not cry"
JESUS says "Cast all your cares on Me for I care for you"

Santa's little helpers make toys
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions

Santa may make you chuckle but
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength

While Santa puts gifts under your tree
JESUS became our gift and died on the tree

remember who Christmas is all about, put Christ back in CHRISTmas!

Here's wishing all a very blessed Christmas, and may He guide us through the new year!

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes'.

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else-the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.'

this is really saddening, really.

i'm really sad that my dear lions were unable to bring home a third straight asean title, #$%& good grief, they way they played against vietnam! and shahril ishak was the man, man.

sigh, this is sad, sad. but it looked so promising in the group stage! perfect record, and a 2-0 win against indonesia on their own turf certainly must be commendable, whichever way you look at it.

man, why did it all unravel in the semi finals!! that poor first leg draw in vietnam, then this, after dominating and creating loads of chances.

aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhh! eh, it's really sad ok, please.

and arsenal? another draw. gunners gunners!!!!!

stress..sucks. sigh.

Thinking back when we first met
I remember what you said
You said you'd never leave me
I let go of your hand
Built my castle in the sand
But now I'm reachin' out again
And I'm not letting go
Till you

Hold me
Mold me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
See, I gotta find my way back home
So why don't you
Shape me
make me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way
Back home

Master upon my knees i pray
I just want to be the clay
Put your arms around me
Place my life in your hands
Lord, I know I'm just a man
I know you understand
This time I'm not letting go
Till you

Anoint me
Appoint me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
See, I gotta find my way back home
So why don't you
Chastise me
Baptize me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way

'Cause I'm lost and alone
I've been wandering
Long enough to know
Humbly I search for you
And I'm not gonna rest
Till you

Choose me
Use me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
I'm on my way back home
So why don't you
Direct me
Bless me
Wash me whiter then the snow
I'm on my way
Back home

a tribute to william éric gallas

so. the past few weeks certainly have been tumultuous for gallas, there's no denying that. but why? what exactly is the problem here? yes to be fair, of course i can't be sure as well, as i am not in any way affiliated to arsenal or gallas himself, but merely one of the scores of arsenal supporters. whatever it is, it is evident that gallas has not endeared himself to many, and it is now cool to hate and criticize him.

i just felt that in the face of such vehement and vitriolic criticism, i had to come out and openly show my support for this man. yes, i agree that openly whining about the team's troubles to the media is certainly not the wisest or most advisable thing to do, and yes, he should not have done it.

but, i think we ought to consider the bigger picture. even if that was a mistake on gallas' part, i feel that i can understand why he was feeling so frustrated. certainly, being constantly in the spotlight heaps immense pressure on anyone, and in a moment of petulance, he cracked. that doesn't make his actions excusable, but i just wish people would be more understanding.

gallas' emotional protest last season against birmingham city has also been commonly cited. well, personally, i do not see any issue here, and from my point of view, it is a classic case of the media trying to whip up a frenzy over nothing, just to create a talking point and give themselves stories to run. to me, although gallas' actions were not exactly commendable, he certainly did not do anything wrong, and again, i can fully understand his frustrations at that time. furthermore, i feel that such an outburst of emotions clearly showcased his deep passion and enthusiasm for arsenal, his will and desire to win, and his unwavering commitment to the arsenal cause.

on this note of passion and commitment, i must highlight that on numerous occasions, i have seen gallas celebrating joyfully after a hard-fought win, gesturing emphatically at the arsenal fans, urging them to rejoice and revel in the moment. i feel that throughout his time at arsenal, he has always played with lots of heart. i truly feel that his passion for the club really shines through.

so william gallas, please continue the good work you have done for the club. may you keep your head up and be reassured that there are fans out there who appreciate your good work. here's wishing you all the best in your future endeavours.
(arsenalpics.com)

LOL. peeling coconuts is fun!

first, you chop the top thingy off. then you can reach the good stuff in there. smooth silky sweet stuff sliding down your throat.

and throughout the whole time i was hacking away at the husk, i couldn't stop thinking about primary school science. "Method of dispersal- The fibrous husk enables the coconut to float on water." LOL.

oh boy, quarantine's really cool i must say. really enjoyed watching it.

it's not like the typical sort of horror thingy, where they just throw in random chunks of senseless blood and gore and guns and grenades and ghosts and dark rooms, just for the sake of scaring the audience. i mean, i found the storyline itself quite cool, even if a little improbable.

man, am i turning into some sort of movie freak?! like, throughout the whole year, there wasn't any movie that really interested me, y'know like, nothing really grabbed my attention and compelled me to go watch it. then suddenly, within the span of like, 2 months, there's suddenly movie after movie lining up and calling out to me, desperately craving my viewership..arghhh..eh, i don't wanna get addicted y'know. i've always taken pride in my indifference towards movies, even as the whole world goes crazy over bond, HSM, star wars and what-have-you.

anyway. go watch quarantine. it's cool :D

blueberry flavoured potato chips? oooh.

LOL. china seriously has got the wackiest stuff in the world. they've got melamine milk, all sorts of chemicals in their vegetables, giant animals due to the gazillions of drugs the feed them...

and, the chips they come up with, good grief. ok lets see. they've got this pork ribs flavour thingy. and then there's this "black pepper ribeye steak" flavour??!! goodness knows how they inject the flavour in...and goodness knows what on earth goes into the flavouring =/

it gets better. there's this lime?! flavour. it leaves a very funny sour taste, very weird indeed, coming from a potato chip.

then we've got the cucumber flavour 0.0 oh my goodness gracious me man. what wonky stuff these people come up with. it's really hilarious yeah.

and my personal favourite. introducing, the blueberry flavoured potato chip! now, how 'bout that huh. it's sort of like dipping chips in gatorade or something, that's the kind of taste we're talking about. and it's got this really strange cooling effect, similar to what you experience when you pop a mint.

people in china seriously, they eat anything.

1 Timothy 4:12 opens with "Let no man despise thy youth". when i first got to know this verse, i thought, duhhh, why would anyone hate being young?! when you're older, you suffer from illnesses, become less fit, all that kind of stuff.

but of course, this verse means more than just that. it's about not looking down on ourselves, or not underestimating our capabilities just because we are young. the Scriptures show us examples of young people achieving great things, such as David when he conquered Goliath, and also Solomon when he became king of Israel. Solomon felt inadequate, and asked the Lord for guidance, and the Lord blessed him.

so, i shall revel in my youth. i shall go about with the mindset that in spite of my relative youth, i can.

"Nobody gets too much heaven no more
It's much harder to come by
I'm waiting in line
Nobody gets too much love anymore
It's as high as a mountain
And harder to climb"

yet, in the midst of my contemporary urban life, i periodically need the warm comfort of the simpler things in life.

i want to walk around looking fine and dandy, just for the fun of it. i don't have to want to go anywhere in particular, i just want to hang and chill with people i want to chill with.

i also want to laze around without feeling that i'm wasting time. i want to just sit or lie somewhere and just let the thoughts and emotions flow uninhibited. i don't want to feel the need to curb anger, or suppress sorrow.

just why is this society such a complicated one? why is it so developed, yet so immature? why is everyone so complex and un-innocent and unfeeling and unhuman? why do we construct so many firm barriers between ourselves? i want to be able to tell loved ones that i love and appreciate them, without eliciting shock and queer responses from them. i want to be able to express affection without inviting scandalous gossip and whispered rumours. i want to be able to tell people about the impact they've made on me and what they mean to me, without making them feel uneasy or wary.

"Our Father who art in Heaven
Come down here and make your presence known
We can't do it on our own
The lunatics let run the asylum
How can we find peace inside your home
When you can't trust your own"

it's funny, but i think i would quite like a more hectic lifestyle. yes, when the whole world's going crazy over work and bending over backwards just to try and cram every single one of their gazillion activities into 24 hours, here i am wishing and longing for more buzz in my life.

and it's not as if i'm so free you know. it's not like i've got absolutely nothing to do and i find myself lazing around and lying in bed until midday simply because there's nothing to do after i get up. no, man, it's so not like that. in fact, it's quite the contrary really.

so why do i crave more rush, more happenings, more life in my life? well, it's probably a matter of feeling this human urge to socialize, this innate, deep-residing need to go out and talk to people, to see and be seen. because i want to fill my life and my time with so much stuff that i don't have to be alone, so that i won't end up vegetating and rotting away.

but then again, being alone and away from the hustle and bustle of society can be refreshing and invigorating. i wonder how it would be like if in the course of my lifetime so far, i didn't get to know anybody, i didn't get the chance to mix around with anyone, anywhere. would i be in a state of bliss? if you don't get to know anyone, you can't experience the feeling of missing anyone right? so that's one less negative feeling. and perhaps i wouldn't feel lonely, because i would think that being alone all the time is a most natural state of being. i certainly do like being alone sometimes, especially if i'm at an isolated and picturesque location. such situations are where i can really think about things like my happiness, my work, my walk and relationship with God, and so on. it can be great really, a welcome change from thinking about like, when this assignment is due, what time my appointment tomorrow is, what is tested for the upcoming test, and how many words i've covered for my EE.

but in spite of such benefits of being alone, i guess it's natural to want to socialize and rush around at times. therefore the desire to pack my life.

in addition, being busy forces one to practise the valuable skill of being constantly self-disciplined in managing his time. if i were really busy, with loads of stuff going on simultaneously, i think i would have no choice but to be an excellent steward of my time, and even my resources, and my life in general. there would be no room for wallowing in self-pity, indulging in extravagant activities and other related unproductive matters. i wouldn't be slack, but instead, constantly on the go. and i believe being busy and having loads of things to do does not necessarily mean being stressed or zonked out at the end of the day. because i think if i really manage my life with aplomb, i would find time amidst all the work for recreation and rest as well. although it can be argued that if i were freer, i would not even need to be so disciplined and well-organized anyway, i think that being too free would cause me to over-relax and this would lead to a fall in the standard and quality of any work produced. so i think being busy and managing my life well would be preferable to being free and lazing around.

so please, dear Lord, create in me a life of vibrance.

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
Earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter's power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death's sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.