i feel like i've been trudging through the past few days in a dazed blur. since the moment i put my pen down that day after the math paper, i've been lolling around lazily and aimlessly. maybe not aimlessly. but certainly lazily. there's just no mood to get anything concrete done, to do things that would really benefit and improve my life, both in the short run and long run. actually, it's a weird sort of feeling. it's like, there's so many things i want to do, so many new things i want to try out. i want to be adventurous, to push and expand my boundaries. but, i feel like it's so difficult to get things going, to start doing something for my life. maybe it's just inertia.

so many things have come and gone during this time. and now, looking back, it really feels very, don't know how to say, like, just passed by in a flash, without me really knowing, or experiencing it. cliched as it sounds, i really feel like i've just been floating along, drifting aimlessly the past few days. i've been existing in this post-exam period, certainly not living in it. i'm not sure why i'm feeling this way. perhaps it's due to the prolonged periods of boredom i've been subjected to in school, making it feel as though nothing's been happening.

but then, upon deeper consideration, i certainly don't think it's fair or accurate to say nothing's been happening. in fact, although there've been 'empty spaces' in school, i think it hasn't actually been NOTHING. i feel that through hanging out (in school) with friends, and chatting aimlessly during those 'empty spaces', i've got to know them better, and forged stronger bonds with them. i think, all too often, we are so terribly caught up with our own work and our lives that we overlook the importance and simple pleasure of just sitting down to have a light chat and share our thoughts and views of mundane happenings and events. i get so busy with the astounding myriad of mugging, IAs, TOK essay and presentation, EE preparation, CCA etc etc etc, that i have no chance to just chill, man. and even when i take a rare breather, most times it's stuff like, someone's birthday party, or some OG or class outing, some 'cool, socializing party' kind of thing, where i feel the immense societal pressure to be cool, to impress, to always look good and debonair, to constantly exude an air of confidence, to live up to what society and convention expect of me, and to top it all off, to pretend to be fully at ease and comfortable with all of this, as though this is me. but i'm sorry, no it's not. it's not natural. i'm not letting myself, my identity show through, and why? is it because i am not at ease with myself? is it because i feel that 'myself' is not in line with what society deems to be desirable? am i not proud of myself?

which is why i think i can say that although it was uneventful at times, i am appreciative of this freer post-exam period when i can take some time to just kick back, and have simple, innocent chats with friends, away from the glare of modern-day lights. i am thankful for the chance and the time for me to share and air my thoughts, concerns and annoyances, with people who listen and share some of my views, giving their views in return. i am grateful for the chance to retreat into our own world, where we can candidly share and care for one another.

"We got a little world of our own
I'll tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no one else goes
What am I doing without you?"