i think i need to smile more.

of late, i've been feeling very conscious of the kind of image i send out to people, through the way i dress, my facial expressions, and so on. and in my heightened state of self-awareness, i've come to realize that i do look really really unfriendly and closed when i put on my 'normal face'.

actually, come to think of it, it isn't really anything new. it's not like some stunning revelation that hits me like a bolt from the blue you know. i do vaguely remember people telling me that i look 'fierce' and that i ought to smile more.

i don't know why, but smiling just doesn't feel natural to me. i mean, it's really weird. like, even at times when i meet new people and i want to reach out to them, i realize i don't smile readily at them too. when i meet friends or acquaintances, like along the corridor or in the sac or wherever, i don't smile naturally at them too. usually, i just say a simple hi/hey/hello, or i just wave. with no hint of a smile. and the thing with being in ib, when you don't smile, you don't just look normal. all those dark rings/eyebags/'stress marks'/whatever are all naturally revealed in their full glory. they're all there for all to see. and when people see it, they think like, what's wrong with this guy, he's so unfriendly, he's just forcing that wave, that 'hi'. he's like, so freaky/creepy/emo/closed to others. problem is, i just feel so attuned to not smiling. it's not as if i have anything against smiling, or anything against those people you know. often, moments later, i think back and i realize i didn't smile yet again, and i really kick myself for it, and i worry about the horrid, turn-offish impression i've just given them.

what's really in a smile anyway, that makes me so naturally unattuned to it? damn it man, i really don't know why i just can't make myself lift the corners of that mouth. such a simple action, with so many intangible benefits, leaving so many positive impressions. and yet, it's so difficult for me.

hah. i look at this and it makes me want to laugh. what a joke. yeah right facebook. right.

i shall make a conscious effort to smile at people.