AHHHH.............

recent times have been pretty much a breath of fresh air. cq course winding down, with the sudden deluge of overdue off days, more relaxed state of mind even while in camp, and above all, the offer from ntu which i gratefully heaved a sigh of relief over and brought me some much-needed respite from the months of stress, pressure, furrowed brows...and a whole lot of mess of $&*(*&^%#@

it was horrible indeed. as much as i constantly tried to remind myself that it's all part of God's plan and that He will take care of me and provide, it was incredibly hard not to worry and despair. as everyone else talks/blogs/facebooks excitedly about their entire catalogue of offers and scholarships, you sit in front of the computer plugging away at the uni websites, filling in application after futile application, and following that, appeal after appeal. instead of thoroughly enjoying days off and weekends in the knowledge that your higher education plans are all sewn up, there's this constant nagging reminder that you're hanging in the balance. while all these people around you are happily bubbling about their grand plans, you desperately call up and consult teachers, friends, unis, pleading for advice and hoping for some comfort and encouragement that all is not lost.

and that's not even considering the emotions of dealing with the self-reproach for screwin' up the past two years, culminating in that miserable, measly thirty-five.

but guess what, IT'S ALL OVER. and looking back on this mental and psychological odyssey, i must thank God for allowing me to now better appreciate my spot. i used to think that my attending uni was a given, just a matter of scholarships and choice of course. certainly not anymore, and this experience will drive me to work harder, hopefully the scare doesn't wear off by the time 2012 comes around!

in addition, i guess i should thank God for sparing me even worse depression and mental stress. just a day after i discovered the offer from ntu, i received this email. acs asking about our uni placements. imagine if i had nothing to show for, which was the case just hours before the email came in.

also, God kindly gave me the spot before this long backlog of off days i mentioned earlier, thereby enabling me to spend the past few days in, i would confidently say, the most relaxed state i've been in so far this year, finally without having to stress over uni stuff.

certainly, God will make a way, where there seems to be no way.