what's in a friendship? what is it between two people that makes them consider each other friends? how are friends supposed to behave towards each other?
honestly, i'm rather confused.
i remember myself saying in primary school that i didn't need friends. like, i thought i could get through this world and its mess by myself. i'm not sure if i even thought about needing God. anyway, it's kinda different now ain't it.
but even as i socialize and make links with other people, i find myself wondering if certain people are indeed to be considered friends. what's a real friend like? what's the role of a real friend? how's a real friend supposed to behave in various circumstances?
sometimes i wonder if it is actually possible to maintain friendships for a long long time. isn't it true that people start to drift apart after some time? i often recall, "familiarity breeds contempt", and i guess i probably would have to agree.
i think, after some time, people start to take each other for granted. after a certain period of seeing each other on a near-daily basis, you start to think that he will always be there, no matter what. even if he goes away, it's just for a short holiday kind of stuff, he'll always be back. you slowly appreciate less and less what this person has to offer, and the qualities of this person slowly fade and become duller and duller, eventually rendering him nothing but another nameless face. perhaps it's like marriage, when initially, the couple are so enthusiastic about each other, and they are so madly in love with each other, and they just can't get enough of each other. every day begins with a huge hug and perhaps a slimy smooch or two, and ends with them getting nice and cosy in bed, cuddled together inseparably. fast forward a few decades (if they even make it that far), and they no longer feel that same passion for each other. instead of yearning to see and touch that once-flawless face and body, all they now see in each other is each other's flaws, such as placing the vase in the "wrong" place, setting the aircon at the "wrong" temperature, and perhaps even buying the "wrong" brand of tissue paper. they leave for work (separately) before the sun rises and don't get home till it sets. by then, they're too tired to do anything and just flop onto the bed and start snoring. which then becomes the trigger for yet another round of arguments. they don't realize how much they actually still love each other, until perhaps, something terribly wrong happens to one of them. and then the one who's left behind cries his heart out, "why did i fight with her every day!" but then it's too late. same for friendships. friends tend to take each other for granted, and don't fully appreciate each other, until one of them is gone, be it a death, or even just emigration halfway around the world. yes craig david, truly, you don't miss your water 'til the well runs dry.
sometimes i also wonder if it's right for one party to declare his friendship with someone else over. when does it become meaningless to continue a friendship? like, perhaps if he's constantly having to reassure his insecure friend about his perceived weaknesses, or perhaps if the friend constantly throws tantrums and hissy fits, going into these incomprehensible emo moments when only himself knows what's bothering him. and after recovering from the shock of seeing his friend behave so emotionally, he tries to coax him to talk about what's bothering him, but to his dismay and frustration, his friend refuses to talk, only asking to be left alone.
in a bid to further develop and enhance their friendship, he regularly calls his friend for chats, and also enthusiastically tries to meet him whenever possible, to catch up on life, and perhaps to discuss any issues that may require discussion and sharing. and yet, all his efforts are constantly met with stony indifference and cold detachment. he feels like he's the only one trying to maintain the friendship, with no effort from his friend at all. at times, it even seems to him that his friend is deliberately trying to distance himself from him. he feels sad, rejected, and utterly confused by his friend's icy treatment. what are friends for anyway? shouldn't they share their problems cares and concerns with each other? if one party constantly has to try to get the other to open up and share his problems, and if he has to constantly reassure him that regardless of all the digs and jibes, his flaws don't matter in the friendship, is this still considered a real friendship? isn't it becoming more like a personal counselling service?
and yet, his friend still refuses to talk, to bare his soul, to share with him just what is bothering him, instead retreating into his shell of cold comfort. frustrated by all the unexplained moodiness, weary of all the unrequited brotherly love, he wonders if he should bother any longer. a part of him wants to give up, and yet, as he recalls the joyous moments, the morsels of understanding and love they shared, he cannot tear himself away.
he is stuck, unable to stay put, unable to move on.
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