Dearest Michael,
Even as I sit here typing these painful words, I struggle to come to terms with your untimely passing. My heart aches with a longing for your continued presence with us. It is so difficult to come to terms with and accept your all-too-sudden departure.
I fondly recall the early days when I first came to know about you and the unrivalled genius you were. I was captivated by your scintillating beats, grooves and vibes. You stole my heart and from then on, I inevitably took a great interest in not just your peerless music, but also your life which continues to fascinate me to this very day.
And what a life you lived!
I recall reading about your history, and watching documentary after documentary about your life in general, from your tender years as an indispensible part of the Jackson 5, right through to your later days as the despicable media increasingly criticized and hounded you for every single act and word they deemed inappropriate, with barely a thought for your emotions and well-being. I recall with a burning anger and sorrowful pain, how almost the entire world turned against you in your time of need throughout the numerous baseless and unfounded accusations aimed coldly and hatefully at you. I remember doing my part in defending you from my schoolmates and others who blindly joined the increasing chorus of protests against your every word and action. Thankfully, justice prevailed and you triumphed over the evil forces of lies and deception aimed solely at bringing you down from your rightful lofty perch at the pinnacle of the entertainment world. I recall the level of vindication I felt upon hearing that your good name had finally been cleared.
As the years floated by, I grew more and more fascinated with your lifestyle. Even as the vast majority criticized you for your fantasy-like ranch, activities and behaviour, I was enchanted by your zoo, your amusement park and certainly, your charity, which reached out to so many organizations and people. I greatly longed for a chance to meet you in person, though that will now forever remain an unfulfilled dream.
It is such a pity that the world will not get to witness the 50 great performances you had planned for us. You had been working so long and hard on putting on a terrific show for us, and ought to have the opportunity to do what you love doing and show us again just what you are capable of.
Dear Friend, even as your life on this earth comes to a premature end, rest assured that your music and influence will live on in the hearts, minds and souls of many. You will remain a major source of inspiration to the many aspiring performers out there, struggling to make even a fraction of the impact you made on the world. Having toiled away at your magical music, and fought many hard battles, may you now find true rest in a better place. As the final curtain falls on one of the greatest shows of all time, allow us to give you the loudest and longest standing ovation anyone has ever received and will ever receive.
With an unbridled love and a heavy heart,
Gareth.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
i'll be on your side forever more, that's what friends are for.
what's in a friendship? what is it between two people that makes them consider each other friends? how are friends supposed to behave towards each other?
honestly, i'm rather confused.
i remember myself saying in primary school that i didn't need friends. like, i thought i could get through this world and its mess by myself. i'm not sure if i even thought about needing God. anyway, it's kinda different now ain't it.
but even as i socialize and make links with other people, i find myself wondering if certain people are indeed to be considered friends. what's a real friend like? what's the role of a real friend? how's a real friend supposed to behave in various circumstances?
sometimes i wonder if it is actually possible to maintain friendships for a long long time. isn't it true that people start to drift apart after some time? i often recall, "familiarity breeds contempt", and i guess i probably would have to agree.
i think, after some time, people start to take each other for granted. after a certain period of seeing each other on a near-daily basis, you start to think that he will always be there, no matter what. even if he goes away, it's just for a short holiday kind of stuff, he'll always be back. you slowly appreciate less and less what this person has to offer, and the qualities of this person slowly fade and become duller and duller, eventually rendering him nothing but another nameless face. perhaps it's like marriage, when initially, the couple are so enthusiastic about each other, and they are so madly in love with each other, and they just can't get enough of each other. every day begins with a huge hug and perhaps a slimy smooch or two, and ends with them getting nice and cosy in bed, cuddled together inseparably. fast forward a few decades (if they even make it that far), and they no longer feel that same passion for each other. instead of yearning to see and touch that once-flawless face and body, all they now see in each other is each other's flaws, such as placing the vase in the "wrong" place, setting the aircon at the "wrong" temperature, and perhaps even buying the "wrong" brand of tissue paper. they leave for work (separately) before the sun rises and don't get home till it sets. by then, they're too tired to do anything and just flop onto the bed and start snoring. which then becomes the trigger for yet another round of arguments. they don't realize how much they actually still love each other, until perhaps, something terribly wrong happens to one of them. and then the one who's left behind cries his heart out, "why did i fight with her every day!" but then it's too late. same for friendships. friends tend to take each other for granted, and don't fully appreciate each other, until one of them is gone, be it a death, or even just emigration halfway around the world. yes craig david, truly, you don't miss your water 'til the well runs dry.
sometimes i also wonder if it's right for one party to declare his friendship with someone else over. when does it become meaningless to continue a friendship? like, perhaps if he's constantly having to reassure his insecure friend about his perceived weaknesses, or perhaps if the friend constantly throws tantrums and hissy fits, going into these incomprehensible emo moments when only himself knows what's bothering him. and after recovering from the shock of seeing his friend behave so emotionally, he tries to coax him to talk about what's bothering him, but to his dismay and frustration, his friend refuses to talk, only asking to be left alone.
in a bid to further develop and enhance their friendship, he regularly calls his friend for chats, and also enthusiastically tries to meet him whenever possible, to catch up on life, and perhaps to discuss any issues that may require discussion and sharing. and yet, all his efforts are constantly met with stony indifference and cold detachment. he feels like he's the only one trying to maintain the friendship, with no effort from his friend at all. at times, it even seems to him that his friend is deliberately trying to distance himself from him. he feels sad, rejected, and utterly confused by his friend's icy treatment. what are friends for anyway? shouldn't they share their problems cares and concerns with each other? if one party constantly has to try to get the other to open up and share his problems, and if he has to constantly reassure him that regardless of all the digs and jibes, his flaws don't matter in the friendship, is this still considered a real friendship? isn't it becoming more like a personal counselling service?
and yet, his friend still refuses to talk, to bare his soul, to share with him just what is bothering him, instead retreating into his shell of cold comfort. frustrated by all the unexplained moodiness, weary of all the unrequited brotherly love, he wonders if he should bother any longer. a part of him wants to give up, and yet, as he recalls the joyous moments, the morsels of understanding and love they shared, he cannot tear himself away.
he is stuck, unable to stay put, unable to move on.
honestly, i'm rather confused.
i remember myself saying in primary school that i didn't need friends. like, i thought i could get through this world and its mess by myself. i'm not sure if i even thought about needing God. anyway, it's kinda different now ain't it.
but even as i socialize and make links with other people, i find myself wondering if certain people are indeed to be considered friends. what's a real friend like? what's the role of a real friend? how's a real friend supposed to behave in various circumstances?
sometimes i wonder if it is actually possible to maintain friendships for a long long time. isn't it true that people start to drift apart after some time? i often recall, "familiarity breeds contempt", and i guess i probably would have to agree.
i think, after some time, people start to take each other for granted. after a certain period of seeing each other on a near-daily basis, you start to think that he will always be there, no matter what. even if he goes away, it's just for a short holiday kind of stuff, he'll always be back. you slowly appreciate less and less what this person has to offer, and the qualities of this person slowly fade and become duller and duller, eventually rendering him nothing but another nameless face. perhaps it's like marriage, when initially, the couple are so enthusiastic about each other, and they are so madly in love with each other, and they just can't get enough of each other. every day begins with a huge hug and perhaps a slimy smooch or two, and ends with them getting nice and cosy in bed, cuddled together inseparably. fast forward a few decades (if they even make it that far), and they no longer feel that same passion for each other. instead of yearning to see and touch that once-flawless face and body, all they now see in each other is each other's flaws, such as placing the vase in the "wrong" place, setting the aircon at the "wrong" temperature, and perhaps even buying the "wrong" brand of tissue paper. they leave for work (separately) before the sun rises and don't get home till it sets. by then, they're too tired to do anything and just flop onto the bed and start snoring. which then becomes the trigger for yet another round of arguments. they don't realize how much they actually still love each other, until perhaps, something terribly wrong happens to one of them. and then the one who's left behind cries his heart out, "why did i fight with her every day!" but then it's too late. same for friendships. friends tend to take each other for granted, and don't fully appreciate each other, until one of them is gone, be it a death, or even just emigration halfway around the world. yes craig david, truly, you don't miss your water 'til the well runs dry.
sometimes i also wonder if it's right for one party to declare his friendship with someone else over. when does it become meaningless to continue a friendship? like, perhaps if he's constantly having to reassure his insecure friend about his perceived weaknesses, or perhaps if the friend constantly throws tantrums and hissy fits, going into these incomprehensible emo moments when only himself knows what's bothering him. and after recovering from the shock of seeing his friend behave so emotionally, he tries to coax him to talk about what's bothering him, but to his dismay and frustration, his friend refuses to talk, only asking to be left alone.
in a bid to further develop and enhance their friendship, he regularly calls his friend for chats, and also enthusiastically tries to meet him whenever possible, to catch up on life, and perhaps to discuss any issues that may require discussion and sharing. and yet, all his efforts are constantly met with stony indifference and cold detachment. he feels like he's the only one trying to maintain the friendship, with no effort from his friend at all. at times, it even seems to him that his friend is deliberately trying to distance himself from him. he feels sad, rejected, and utterly confused by his friend's icy treatment. what are friends for anyway? shouldn't they share their problems cares and concerns with each other? if one party constantly has to try to get the other to open up and share his problems, and if he has to constantly reassure him that regardless of all the digs and jibes, his flaws don't matter in the friendship, is this still considered a real friendship? isn't it becoming more like a personal counselling service?
and yet, his friend still refuses to talk, to bare his soul, to share with him just what is bothering him, instead retreating into his shell of cold comfort. frustrated by all the unexplained moodiness, weary of all the unrequited brotherly love, he wonders if he should bother any longer. a part of him wants to give up, and yet, as he recalls the joyous moments, the morsels of understanding and love they shared, he cannot tear himself away.
he is stuck, unable to stay put, unable to move on.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
the other day, while looking through my old messages, the concept of change suddenly came upon me and overwhelmed me. okay, maybe not overwhelmed, but still, made me think. or rather, made me think harder than i usually do. which isn't really saying much actually >< but oh wellsz. ANYWAYS.
so it just occurred to me that, clichéd as it may sound, people really do change. this change may be outwardly expressed, or it may not be. it may be obvious, or perhaps not so obvious. but nevertheless, it's still change. and i suddenly found it quite scary actually, when someone you've known for some time is no longer the person you knew. okay, perhaps this is overstating it. hyperbole. as in, it's not like the person is completely unrecognizable, it's not like this person behaves so differently, treats you differently, and so on. it's just that, when someone has assumed new identities, new roles in life, done things which you know have irreversibly changed his/her life, it's sorta scary, in a sense. it's like, you know he/she will never be the same person, ever again. i mean, even if the change is not outwardly expressed or obvious, you know he/she has permanently left behind a part of him/her, and is now permanently a different person, for better or for worse. and sometimes, you just don't want to let go. you don't want to let go of the person you knew. you don't want to let go of how this person used to be. i don't understand this desire to cling to the past, but somehow, it just feels uncomfortable leaving it all behind, and moving on in life, seeing the person do different things and behaving differently, even if only slightly differently, and above all, coming to terms with and accepting this person in his/her new self.
it gets a little nostalgic, thinking about the past, thinking about this person in his/her old self, thinking about the times, words, and thoughts shared with this person in his/her old self. and when you fast forward and look at this same person in the present, you get a little sad that it's just different now, that the past is all over now.
so it just occurred to me that, clichéd as it may sound, people really do change. this change may be outwardly expressed, or it may not be. it may be obvious, or perhaps not so obvious. but nevertheless, it's still change. and i suddenly found it quite scary actually, when someone you've known for some time is no longer the person you knew. okay, perhaps this is overstating it. hyperbole. as in, it's not like the person is completely unrecognizable, it's not like this person behaves so differently, treats you differently, and so on. it's just that, when someone has assumed new identities, new roles in life, done things which you know have irreversibly changed his/her life, it's sorta scary, in a sense. it's like, you know he/she will never be the same person, ever again. i mean, even if the change is not outwardly expressed or obvious, you know he/she has permanently left behind a part of him/her, and is now permanently a different person, for better or for worse. and sometimes, you just don't want to let go. you don't want to let go of the person you knew. you don't want to let go of how this person used to be. i don't understand this desire to cling to the past, but somehow, it just feels uncomfortable leaving it all behind, and moving on in life, seeing the person do different things and behaving differently, even if only slightly differently, and above all, coming to terms with and accepting this person in his/her new self.
it gets a little nostalgic, thinking about the past, thinking about this person in his/her old self, thinking about the times, words, and thoughts shared with this person in his/her old self. and when you fast forward and look at this same person in the present, you get a little sad that it's just different now, that the past is all over now.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
closer to the sun ^^
phew, past few days have really been insanely insane, what holidays please >< i feel like i've been in a constant whirlwind, tornado, hurricane, tsunami, whatever, always rushing from one place to another, brain constantly bombarded with various stimuli shooting at me from all directions and angles. i need to sit down, and REST. TAKE A BREATHER.
i'm glad i've recently had a couple of talks with people i've been wanting to talk to regarding things, issues, that have been weighing on my mind. not any major, depression-inducing, cut myself sorta issues y'know, just a couple things that have been bothering me a little. perhaps confusing me a little as well. anywayzzz, i'm glad these sharing sessions took place, allowing me to understand things, and people, better. but oh well, life's complicated ain't it :-/
oh, had the NS medical thingy as well. uhmm, was okay, but hate the loads of waiting, waiting, waiting and waitinggggg.... and, was kinda, weird at SOME PARTS :X do all perverts and gays become doctors? heheh ;)
after that, had this nice little trip to this Mind Cafe place with friends, lovely night guys! but i felt a little weird at the place, the gaming over dinner concept, just not my sorta thing, sorry :O but great fun and company nevertheless!
oh, and apparently my dream of seeing Barry at the Emirates has been crushed by those ultra insane oil people at a certain Manchester City FC. damnittt, and Alonso looks set to be lured away to Florentino Perez and his second wave of galacticos at Real Madrid, so no Alonso at the Emirates as well??! ahh, shkrewwy, shitey, NOT cool ><
okay, i can see a very VERY busy and crazy 3 weeks ahead of me. wish me all the best!
i'm glad i've recently had a couple of talks with people i've been wanting to talk to regarding things, issues, that have been weighing on my mind. not any major, depression-inducing, cut myself sorta issues y'know, just a couple things that have been bothering me a little. perhaps confusing me a little as well. anywayzzz, i'm glad these sharing sessions took place, allowing me to understand things, and people, better. but oh well, life's complicated ain't it :-/
oh, had the NS medical thingy as well. uhmm, was okay, but hate the loads of waiting, waiting, waiting and waitinggggg.... and, was kinda, weird at SOME PARTS :X do all perverts and gays become doctors? heheh ;)
after that, had this nice little trip to this Mind Cafe place with friends, lovely night guys! but i felt a little weird at the place, the gaming over dinner concept, just not my sorta thing, sorry :O but great fun and company nevertheless!
oh, and apparently my dream of seeing Barry at the Emirates has been crushed by those ultra insane oil people at a certain Manchester City FC. damnittt, and Alonso looks set to be lured away to Florentino Perez and his second wave of galacticos at Real Madrid, so no Alonso at the Emirates as well??! ahh, shkrewwy, shitey, NOT cool ><
okay, i can see a very VERY busy and crazy 3 weeks ahead of me. wish me all the best!
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