this is so random but idc, i'm gonna go ahead and spit it out!

i realize what really makes me stressed about work is the fear that it's gonna go on and on and on forever. as in like, it's gonna be a constant stream of work, with no time for breaks, no time for anything else at all in my life, constantly burdened by my work, even when i'm trying to chill or have fun.

y'see, i don't think i'm really that worried or stressed about having work to do, in itself, as an isolated event. i'm not scared of like sizing up something big, and telling myself, okay let's do this, and after it's over i can relax. it's not the work itself that causes the stress y'know what i mean. i mean yes of course it's somewhat stressful to do work and mug and all that, but i think it's so stressful mainly 'cuz i keep being bothered by the fact that like, dammit man, this isn't all, after this still got this, and this, and this, and this etc etc etc...

so it's like it's just so irritating that it's a continuous stream of work, and like there's nothing to look forward to. so very unlike the old days where "finish your work fast fast and then you can go and play!" it's the fact that there's just nothing to look forward to, the knowledge that you still have a gazillion things waiting for you, that makes it so damn sickening and draining and demoralizing, it makes you go like, screw it, what's the point anyway =X

okay thanks for reading -.-