okay, i know this is getting very repetitive and boring, every post being a complaint of some sort, but i think i can safely and confidently say the past few days have really been the worst stretch i've ever experienced in school. as far back as i can remember, even all the way from primary 1. it's like, i'm in such deep **** i don't even feel anything much anymore. it's becoming so farcical. it's just turning into a huge joke, it's ridiculous.

it's like, each day i've been dragging myself to school (on days when i do actually go to school), with my stupid geog ia and my ee hanging over my head like some bubonic plague or curse or H1N1 or the like. every day is a battle royale not just to complete those ******* pieces of ****, but also to avoid certain teachers, come up with convincing explanations and reasons for not getting stuff done, trying to make full use of my time, getting really pi**ed at how going to school sometimes really is a real waste of time but i still have to, getting worried about ioc but having no time/being unable to study for it... and the list seriously drags on and on. to a certain extent, i really miss those days in sec 1, sec 2, when we would innocently turn up at school every day and go for each and every lesson properly, on time and with the right attitude. most of all, i miss how the issue with work back then was simply a matter of disciplining yourself, telling yourself to focus for a few hours at the most, before triumphantly completing everything, leaving some time for tv, for going out, etc. now, it's really not that simple. the stuff is hard, it's no longer just a matter of focusing and perhaps mugging for a couple of hours a day. instead, it's a painful, arduous, drawn-out process that really saps you to the core, facing major difficulties in not just the subject content, but also the various ******* pieces of coursework, most of all, the ias and that small matter of 4000 words. yes, i know all these should be sort of over by now, but no i'm sorry, it's not for me. and that just serves to make it even worse. most of the time, school becomes a relative waste of time, cuz there's just so much work to do, to be submitted, i just want to get going and do it. not running around the whole day, rushing from lesson to lesson, and not being able to focus on the lesson anyway cuz my entire mind and soul is occupied by the stuff i've to do. and even worse, wasting my time at dialogues and other activities such as random talks and stuff like national day celebrations which are admittedly not useless, but really are so pointless in comparison to the grim tasks i have at hand, that they become a real waste of time.

what the **** is going on man.