i really admire people who seem to have this unbridled, unconditional love for life, for living. theirs is a joy of living, a joy of the spirit, a celebration of their very existence.

it is this joie de vivre that is so terribly severely lacking in my life. instead, this all-pervading pessimism that makes it all look so bad, so bleak and gloomy. i don't know why it's like that. i don't think i've always been like that. perhaps life's beatings and buffetings have taken a real toll on me.

sometimes, in fact many times, i just want to sit back, relax, and shkrewwwww it all. like, seriously, heck care about every single shizz in my life. problem is, unless you get really emo and cut yourself or jump and die, doing that is gonna cause the shizz to come back with a vengeance and haunt you even more.

damn, even if all this can't go away, can't i even have a vent for surplus (emotion)??!! ahh damn, econs. *dies*