woooow, it's been a long loooooooong time and lots of things have happened and lots of things have changed.
firstly, i've been up and about on my patched up ankles since 25th march, that glorious date when i received the all clear for those bulky aircasts to be removed. the first few days after that were pretty darn hard on my poor legs, with the muscles needing to be reconditioned and all. yeah..
so i've been back in action (admittedly much less action than post-surgery though!) since 11th april, and a great deal has happened since then too. so to keep things short and just to refresh my memory of a bygone era....
the first couple of months were spent primarily filling in here and there, both for darren away at the haven which is sembawang camp, as well as john who had to fill in for a certain protege of mine in the art of long mcs :) lol just kidding mann... yeah so it was during this period that i really felt first hand certain tight manpower issues and challenges faced by the saf, what with all the "stand in" appointments here and there. quite farcical actually imo..
then in june, people started to return from their mcs, and darren fell back to reality, so the manpower situation eased a little. i guess that, along with my "new and improved" pes, eventually led to my exit. and some exit it was!
you see, basically, i think it's generally true that the grass is greener on the other side. maybe not always, but GENERALLY SPEAKING. so in the days just before my scheduled exit, i was pretty delirious to be honest, filled with a sense of excitement and anticipation of "better life" awaiting me. well, with the benefit of hindsight, i must say that this perceived "better life" in "greener pastures" is but a shimmering mirage in the desert, enticing when viewed longingly from afar, but flattering to deceive when encountered at close quarters. while it is true that certain aspects of my "new lease of life" are "better" or "more desirable", the overall package, i have to say, is severely overrated.
but perhaps more details at a later date, if at all. for now, this brief recap will suffice. it's been somewhat invigorating and refreshing to think about the events of the past few months, allowing me to pause and take stock of my life thus far. till i return, ciao :)
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Mad Jens to return??!
"He [Lehmann] belongs in the Muppet Show, on the couch or in a mental institution." Tim Wiese
Wow, so apparently The Professor (although an increasingly dumb one) is mulling over re-signing Mad Jens. This is absolutely absurd! Who would have thought he would ever bring his eccentric and entertaining ways back to north London.
However, in spite of the nostalgia surrounding Lehmann's likely move, this appears to be a potential banana skin for the Arsenal, as along with his considerable ability, he always appears to bring with him some element of controversy and comedy. Who knows what he might come up with this time! There always seems to be a significant degree of unpredictability with regards to his behaviour. Certainly, with the Gunners gunning for the only remaining trophy they can hope to win (painful fact), any negative publicity or attention on Lehmann would be a most unwelcome distraction.
Perhaps even more significant is the resulting reunion between Lehmann and his great "pal" Manuel Almunia. With the both of them once again in the same team, the old scars of their less-than-amicable relationship could be reopened. If the two of them do indeed start another round of public bickering, it would be terrible for Arsenal's charge to the title.
That being said, Mad Jens certainly brings with him a wealth of experience and quality, and if no significant off-the-pitch matters arise, he would be a useful addition.
All the best to the Gunners!!
Wow, so apparently The Professor (although an increasingly dumb one) is mulling over re-signing Mad Jens. This is absolutely absurd! Who would have thought he would ever bring his eccentric and entertaining ways back to north London.
However, in spite of the nostalgia surrounding Lehmann's likely move, this appears to be a potential banana skin for the Arsenal, as along with his considerable ability, he always appears to bring with him some element of controversy and comedy. Who knows what he might come up with this time! There always seems to be a significant degree of unpredictability with regards to his behaviour. Certainly, with the Gunners gunning for the only remaining trophy they can hope to win (painful fact), any negative publicity or attention on Lehmann would be a most unwelcome distraction.
Perhaps even more significant is the resulting reunion between Lehmann and his great "pal" Manuel Almunia. With the both of them once again in the same team, the old scars of their less-than-amicable relationship could be reopened. If the two of them do indeed start another round of public bickering, it would be terrible for Arsenal's charge to the title.
That being said, Mad Jens certainly brings with him a wealth of experience and quality, and if no significant off-the-pitch matters arise, he would be a useful addition.
All the best to the Gunners!!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
sometimes it really perturbs me how people fail to see the point of view of others. how they are unable to see things from others' perspective and accept differing viewpoints.
at times i find it frustrating that people don't seem to see things the way i do, that i appear to be strange, different, even plain WEIRD. but please understand, not everyone has the same mindset as you, treats things the way you do and reacts to stimuli the way you do.
sometimes, and for some things, we have to agree to disagree.
at times i find it frustrating that people don't seem to see things the way i do, that i appear to be strange, different, even plain WEIRD. but please understand, not everyone has the same mindset as you, treats things the way you do and reacts to stimuli the way you do.
sometimes, and for some things, we have to agree to disagree.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
2010
looking back at the year 2010, there really doesn't seem to have been much of note for me. inevitably, much of the year revolved around, the SAF. yes, OUR ARMY. lol.
well, i must put on record that despite all the miseries and irritance and annoyance and plain angst and frustration this NS experience has hurled at me so far, it certainly hasn't been a thorough dread throughout. naturally, some of the activities and exercises i've had the chance to participate in have been real eye-openers for me, with certain aspects interesting to a certain extent. perhaps exercise wallaby would be a good representative of these "better" moments i've had in the saf. "better" and "more enjoyable" in the context of NS, but not things i would make a career of. not stuff i would sell my soul to.
certainly amongst the multitude of new faces i've come into contact with this year, a fair number of relationships have developed into what i would consider friendships. however, i guess only time will reveal the true quality of these new relationships forged. i fondly recall the days of my course at STC, when i would at times (somewhat) look forward to booking in, eagerly anticipating the camaraderie and fellowship with some of the people there. however, i now barely keep in contact with any of them. with the course over, there leaves barely any reason or motivation to contact them. it sure would be good if some of these NS relationships blossom and develop into something deeper and long-lasting.
NS aside, i'm thankful for the people who have stuck around by my side and continued to provide support and company, at times when i need it. it's comforting to know that there are these people i can count on to understand me and my concerns, and that they provide familiar comforts and reliefs from the various things that stress me and get me down. cheers to many more such years!
people aside, 2010 also took me on an emotional roller coaster. (although this is becoming an annoyingly cheesy way of describing things!) to keep things short, the whole process of receiving my IB results, getting stunned by them, stressing over uni apps, applying to the unis, getting rejected by them, busy crafting my heartfelt appeals when everyone else is busy celebrating their overseas scholarships...all the way to finally snaring a place has been nothing short of draining, both physically and emotionally. but at the end of the day, when i put things into perspective, i'm very thankful for being able to successfully complete a pre-university education in a brand-name institution, and go on to pursue a university education, in a desired course no less.
when people size up the year ahead, they tend to say things like, "oh, 2011 promises to be challenging, it will be interesting and i will pursue my goals with enthusiasm and vigour..." and so on and so forth, all expressing a renewed sense of purpose in life. however, personally, i honestly do not forsee anything interesting or exciting in store for me in the year ahead, and there's nothing in particular i look forward to or eagerly anticipate. to put it ultra-depressingly and bleakly, no goals, no purpose in life. but that sounds suicidal. and i'm not really feeling depressed or suicidal, just y'know, feeling the bore of mundane life. hopefully, things will change. i think i need some sort of change, something to shake things up a little. we'll see.
anyways, gtg soon. hope anyone seeing this is feeling more purposeful and driven than i am, and have a great 2011!
well, i must put on record that despite all the miseries and irritance and annoyance and plain angst and frustration this NS experience has hurled at me so far, it certainly hasn't been a thorough dread throughout. naturally, some of the activities and exercises i've had the chance to participate in have been real eye-openers for me, with certain aspects interesting to a certain extent. perhaps exercise wallaby would be a good representative of these "better" moments i've had in the saf. "better" and "more enjoyable" in the context of NS, but not things i would make a career of. not stuff i would sell my soul to.
certainly amongst the multitude of new faces i've come into contact with this year, a fair number of relationships have developed into what i would consider friendships. however, i guess only time will reveal the true quality of these new relationships forged. i fondly recall the days of my course at STC, when i would at times (somewhat) look forward to booking in, eagerly anticipating the camaraderie and fellowship with some of the people there. however, i now barely keep in contact with any of them. with the course over, there leaves barely any reason or motivation to contact them. it sure would be good if some of these NS relationships blossom and develop into something deeper and long-lasting.
NS aside, i'm thankful for the people who have stuck around by my side and continued to provide support and company, at times when i need it. it's comforting to know that there are these people i can count on to understand me and my concerns, and that they provide familiar comforts and reliefs from the various things that stress me and get me down. cheers to many more such years!
people aside, 2010 also took me on an emotional roller coaster. (although this is becoming an annoyingly cheesy way of describing things!) to keep things short, the whole process of receiving my IB results, getting stunned by them, stressing over uni apps, applying to the unis, getting rejected by them, busy crafting my heartfelt appeals when everyone else is busy celebrating their overseas scholarships...all the way to finally snaring a place has been nothing short of draining, both physically and emotionally. but at the end of the day, when i put things into perspective, i'm very thankful for being able to successfully complete a pre-university education in a brand-name institution, and go on to pursue a university education, in a desired course no less.
when people size up the year ahead, they tend to say things like, "oh, 2011 promises to be challenging, it will be interesting and i will pursue my goals with enthusiasm and vigour..." and so on and so forth, all expressing a renewed sense of purpose in life. however, personally, i honestly do not forsee anything interesting or exciting in store for me in the year ahead, and there's nothing in particular i look forward to or eagerly anticipate. to put it ultra-depressingly and bleakly, no goals, no purpose in life. but that sounds suicidal. and i'm not really feeling depressed or suicidal, just y'know, feeling the bore of mundane life. hopefully, things will change. i think i need some sort of change, something to shake things up a little. we'll see.
anyways, gtg soon. hope anyone seeing this is feeling more purposeful and driven than i am, and have a great 2011!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Rewind, Recap, Refresh
It's been close to a week since i returned from the odyssey to Australia that is exercise wallaby.
And what an odyssey it was.......
That's not implying that i enjoyed myself, or had a great time down under, but it certainly was an interesting experience, in too many ways and with too great a spectrum of emotions for me to adequately express in the grossly limited medium of words.
Perhaps suffice to say that personally, my biggest and most fulfilling takeaway would be the strengthened relatioships and bonds forged with certain people. Across the span of those three weeks, i inevitably spent much time and interacted a lot with some of the lads, and i must say that, even if nothing else, the exercise has allowed me to grow closer to some of them and understand them better. Not all of these interactions can be classified as positive ones of course, but they were memorable nonetheless. I certainly look forward to building upon these relationships (even if not in this setting).
Another plus would probably be the sights i was exposed to, out in the field. I'm sure those rolling plains and magnificent peaks will be etched in my mind for years (or at least months) to come. And as someone with a rather adventurous spirit (i would like to think!), i would rather be thankful for the entire exercise i've had the chance to experience, rather than complain about the less-than-savoury conditions we had to put up with. Undoubtedly, there's a whole myriad of unique memories to be kept. The wallabys and kangaroos leaping by, peering curiously at passers-by. The pesky little black and white birds (i still don't know what they're called!) that keep swooping down on passers-by, catching them unawares. The searing afternoon heat and plummeting less-than-snug temperatures at night. The torrents of water that hurtle down the side of the tents and swirl around the safari beds when the skies let loose. The tents that morph into GREENhouses (both literally and figuratively!) under the blazing sun, engulfing us in the trapped heat. The long, winding queues at the cookhouse tentage that form at the cue of a curt blast from danial's tonner truck. The many deprived souls craving for the exorbitantly overpriced delicacies at the canteen. The long treks from tentage to store container to vehicle park to cookhouse to tentage (and back again) that had me zig-zagging continuously across the entire camp.
The R&R period (i refuse to call it ETP as it was hardly an EDUCATIONAL Tour Programme), though short, allowed me a glimpse into the city of Rockhampton. And i find it such a pleasant place, devoid of the large swathes of busy crowds in a constant state of rush, with the traffic relatively free-flowing, even in the city centre. There are plenty of laidback charms in the city, such as the serenity of the Botanical Gardens and zoo, the many parks and gardens dotting the city, or even just the quiet avenues with beautiful houses and architecture. All this set against the spectacular backdrop of the Berserker Range and Mount Archer.
Then again, inevitably, it wasn't all joy and laughter. Longstanding problems persist, and most are linked to who else but ___________. But it's not worth writing about these and going on and on about the See Ass Am. After all, what's new.
Generally speaking, i'm glad i went through this exercise, as i got to experience many things i would otherwise never have experienced. I'm thankful for the strengthened relationships, and also thankful that i pulled through relatively unscathed. A memorable experience, but stilll...
Ah, y'guys know what i mean.
And what an odyssey it was.......
That's not implying that i enjoyed myself, or had a great time down under, but it certainly was an interesting experience, in too many ways and with too great a spectrum of emotions for me to adequately express in the grossly limited medium of words.
Perhaps suffice to say that personally, my biggest and most fulfilling takeaway would be the strengthened relatioships and bonds forged with certain people. Across the span of those three weeks, i inevitably spent much time and interacted a lot with some of the lads, and i must say that, even if nothing else, the exercise has allowed me to grow closer to some of them and understand them better. Not all of these interactions can be classified as positive ones of course, but they were memorable nonetheless. I certainly look forward to building upon these relationships (even if not in this setting).
Another plus would probably be the sights i was exposed to, out in the field. I'm sure those rolling plains and magnificent peaks will be etched in my mind for years (or at least months) to come. And as someone with a rather adventurous spirit (i would like to think!), i would rather be thankful for the entire exercise i've had the chance to experience, rather than complain about the less-than-savoury conditions we had to put up with. Undoubtedly, there's a whole myriad of unique memories to be kept. The wallabys and kangaroos leaping by, peering curiously at passers-by. The pesky little black and white birds (i still don't know what they're called!) that keep swooping down on passers-by, catching them unawares. The searing afternoon heat and plummeting less-than-snug temperatures at night. The torrents of water that hurtle down the side of the tents and swirl around the safari beds when the skies let loose. The tents that morph into GREENhouses (both literally and figuratively!) under the blazing sun, engulfing us in the trapped heat. The long, winding queues at the cookhouse tentage that form at the cue of a curt blast from danial's tonner truck. The many deprived souls craving for the exorbitantly overpriced delicacies at the canteen. The long treks from tentage to store container to vehicle park to cookhouse to tentage (and back again) that had me zig-zagging continuously across the entire camp.
The R&R period (i refuse to call it ETP as it was hardly an EDUCATIONAL Tour Programme), though short, allowed me a glimpse into the city of Rockhampton. And i find it such a pleasant place, devoid of the large swathes of busy crowds in a constant state of rush, with the traffic relatively free-flowing, even in the city centre. There are plenty of laidback charms in the city, such as the serenity of the Botanical Gardens and zoo, the many parks and gardens dotting the city, or even just the quiet avenues with beautiful houses and architecture. All this set against the spectacular backdrop of the Berserker Range and Mount Archer.
Then again, inevitably, it wasn't all joy and laughter. Longstanding problems persist, and most are linked to who else but ___________. But it's not worth writing about these and going on and on about the See Ass Am. After all, what's new.
Generally speaking, i'm glad i went through this exercise, as i got to experience many things i would otherwise never have experienced. I'm thankful for the strengthened relationships, and also thankful that i pulled through relatively unscathed. A memorable experience, but stilll...
Ah, y'guys know what i mean.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
so many things to do with my life, but so many factors hindering my progress.
if only there existed a world of bottomless resources and limitless time.
looking back, i must say it's a wonder merely 9 measly months have passed since that something happened. it's like a whole load of stuff has occurred since then and i don't see how all of it could possibly fit into 9 months.
maybe it's just my current state of mind, brought about by my current environment.
this certainly is something new to me. being forced into such a crass environment filled with some of the most boorish people i've ever stumbled upon. heh, don't get me started on the people mann. it's so farcical, it's being such a joke. haha. people who think they own the world, or perhaps, are the world. people who are blind to so many things both in and out of this world due to their inability to see beyond. it's so _________.
haiz, so tired. cya around sometime.
if only there existed a world of bottomless resources and limitless time.
looking back, i must say it's a wonder merely 9 measly months have passed since that something happened. it's like a whole load of stuff has occurred since then and i don't see how all of it could possibly fit into 9 months.
maybe it's just my current state of mind, brought about by my current environment.
this certainly is something new to me. being forced into such a crass environment filled with some of the most boorish people i've ever stumbled upon. heh, don't get me started on the people mann. it's so farcical, it's being such a joke. haha. people who think they own the world, or perhaps, are the world. people who are blind to so many things both in and out of this world due to their inability to see beyond. it's so _________.
haiz, so tired. cya around sometime.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
life truly has been terribly draining. physically, emotionally, mentally. any other way you can think of. however, as much as i complain and feel depressed about my posting and the life there, i can't help but keep wondering if the problem lies with just me, or for that matter, just this few of us stuck here, or if pastures elsewhere truly are greener.
but certainly, the place has to take at least some of the blame, if not most. this is where i'm truly experiencing the military lifestyle clothed in and slathered with all its full glory, brusque, vulgar people and all. add the work demands, difficult people, lack of freedom and friends etc etc, and there you have it. receipe for ______.
but enough of this, really. anyway, the full extent of these problems is way beyond what i am able to put into words and include in a blog post. to the few people going through this with me and understanding what it is like, thanks for your support and presence. just as how you most certainly appreciate mine, haha.
i'm rather disappointed at how my Singapore 2010 YOG experience was pretty much stunted and ruined simply by being a NSF. y'know what i mean. not being able to go out and appreciate the events, soak in the atmosphere etc. what more is there to say.
having some pretty major field exercise this coming week, sigh. i really hope to be able to find some time and energy to get in a few runs, some gym visits.
but certainly, the place has to take at least some of the blame, if not most. this is where i'm truly experiencing the military lifestyle clothed in and slathered with all its full glory, brusque, vulgar people and all. add the work demands, difficult people, lack of freedom and friends etc etc, and there you have it. receipe for ______.
but enough of this, really. anyway, the full extent of these problems is way beyond what i am able to put into words and include in a blog post. to the few people going through this with me and understanding what it is like, thanks for your support and presence. just as how you most certainly appreciate mine, haha.
i'm rather disappointed at how my Singapore 2010 YOG experience was pretty much stunted and ruined simply by being a NSF. y'know what i mean. not being able to go out and appreciate the events, soak in the atmosphere etc. what more is there to say.
having some pretty major field exercise this coming week, sigh. i really hope to be able to find some time and energy to get in a few runs, some gym visits.
Monday, June 28, 2010
AHHHH.............
recent times have been pretty much a breath of fresh air. cq course winding down, with the sudden deluge of overdue off days, more relaxed state of mind even while in camp, and above all, the offer from ntu which i gratefully heaved a sigh of relief over and brought me some much-needed respite from the months of stress, pressure, furrowed brows...and a whole lot of mess of $&*(*&^%#@
it was horrible indeed. as much as i constantly tried to remind myself that it's all part of God's plan and that He will take care of me and provide, it was incredibly hard not to worry and despair. as everyone else talks/blogs/facebooks excitedly about their entire catalogue of offers and scholarships, you sit in front of the computer plugging away at the uni websites, filling in application after futile application, and following that, appeal after appeal. instead of thoroughly enjoying days off and weekends in the knowledge that your higher education plans are all sewn up, there's this constant nagging reminder that you're hanging in the balance. while all these people around you are happily bubbling about their grand plans, you desperately call up and consult teachers, friends, unis, pleading for advice and hoping for some comfort and encouragement that all is not lost.
and that's not even considering the emotions of dealing with the self-reproach for screwin' up the past two years, culminating in that miserable, measly thirty-five.
but guess what, IT'S ALL OVER. and looking back on this mental and psychological odyssey, i must thank God for allowing me to now better appreciate my spot. i used to think that my attending uni was a given, just a matter of scholarships and choice of course. certainly not anymore, and this experience will drive me to work harder, hopefully the scare doesn't wear off by the time 2012 comes around!
in addition, i guess i should thank God for sparing me even worse depression and mental stress. just a day after i discovered the offer from ntu, i received this email. acs asking about our uni placements. imagine if i had nothing to show for, which was the case just hours before the email came in.
also, God kindly gave me the spot before this long backlog of off days i mentioned earlier, thereby enabling me to spend the past few days in, i would confidently say, the most relaxed state i've been in so far this year, finally without having to stress over uni stuff.
certainly, God will make a way, where there seems to be no way.
it was horrible indeed. as much as i constantly tried to remind myself that it's all part of God's plan and that He will take care of me and provide, it was incredibly hard not to worry and despair. as everyone else talks/blogs/facebooks excitedly about their entire catalogue of offers and scholarships, you sit in front of the computer plugging away at the uni websites, filling in application after futile application, and following that, appeal after appeal. instead of thoroughly enjoying days off and weekends in the knowledge that your higher education plans are all sewn up, there's this constant nagging reminder that you're hanging in the balance. while all these people around you are happily bubbling about their grand plans, you desperately call up and consult teachers, friends, unis, pleading for advice and hoping for some comfort and encouragement that all is not lost.
and that's not even considering the emotions of dealing with the self-reproach for screwin' up the past two years, culminating in that miserable, measly thirty-five.
but guess what, IT'S ALL OVER. and looking back on this mental and psychological odyssey, i must thank God for allowing me to now better appreciate my spot. i used to think that my attending uni was a given, just a matter of scholarships and choice of course. certainly not anymore, and this experience will drive me to work harder, hopefully the scare doesn't wear off by the time 2012 comes around!
in addition, i guess i should thank God for sparing me even worse depression and mental stress. just a day after i discovered the offer from ntu, i received this email. acs asking about our uni placements. imagine if i had nothing to show for, which was the case just hours before the email came in.
also, God kindly gave me the spot before this long backlog of off days i mentioned earlier, thereby enabling me to spend the past few days in, i would confidently say, the most relaxed state i've been in so far this year, finally without having to stress over uni stuff.
certainly, God will make a way, where there seems to be no way.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
sighhh. 2 weeks into this CQ course, i'm already feeling drained and devoid of any enthusiasm. the endless dreary lectures are even more boring and dry and draggy than my economics or english lectures! and one big problem is that in school, there were lots of avenues to do research and refer to books, the internet and even teachers, while here, it's like the only source of information is the lectures themselves. which are so hard to stay awake in. haiz. and i just can't find the motivation to be even the least bit interested in the content. oh wells, but i guess i'd better not rant and rave too much here, cos well y'know, sensitivity issues...
but i feel that in the larger scheme of things, there's a more pressing issue. well i'm not sure how to let it all out here, but i hope God will show me what to do. God please guide me and help me be what You want me to be for You. perhaps i should thank God, for making me feel this responsibility to be an example for those around me, especially this particular friend. i think maybe God has placed him in my life to remind me of the importance of being a good testimony for Him through my words, thoughts and actions, although certainly, i've a long way to go mann...damn -.-
well i hope that in the coming weeks, i will be able to prepare well for my CQ vocation. i pray that even in the midst of the rough and tumble of military life, Lord You will always be foremost in my life, and guide me in my dealings with the world.
also to all y'guys out there as well, take care and (try to) enjoy!
cya mann..
but i feel that in the larger scheme of things, there's a more pressing issue. well i'm not sure how to let it all out here, but i hope God will show me what to do. God please guide me and help me be what You want me to be for You. perhaps i should thank God, for making me feel this responsibility to be an example for those around me, especially this particular friend. i think maybe God has placed him in my life to remind me of the importance of being a good testimony for Him through my words, thoughts and actions, although certainly, i've a long way to go mann...damn -.-
well i hope that in the coming weeks, i will be able to prepare well for my CQ vocation. i pray that even in the midst of the rough and tumble of military life, Lord You will always be foremost in my life, and guide me in my dealings with the world.
also to all y'guys out there as well, take care and (try to) enjoy!
cya mann..
Friday, April 9, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
haha glancing at the march page of my calendar recently, it suddenly dawned on me that from this year on, my calendar is going to be much duller and less uhhh.. exciting to look at.
yes, i just realized how much i'm going to miss those thin and inconspicuous lines of yellow/blue/etc appearing on my calendar every march, june, september and november/december. sighhhh. for 12 straight years (or is it kindergarten as well haha) i've been subconsciously eagerly awaiting the arrival of the holidays, and now, cruelly and cold-heartedly stripped away from me, i feel the impact of the void. hahaha.. it's like so...weird. all these years my life has been organized around four terms divided by those yellow/blue/etc morsels of respite from the routine of school.... and now, it's just...an ENDLESS ABYSS of never-ending darkness. HAHAHA. so drama.
haiz i think especially in the more recent years, i've been under-appreciating my holidays, always complaining that there's so much "holiday homework" (which i still believe is the greatest oxymoron ever but ANYWAYSZ) so what's the point of the hols. sure, that's true, indeed there's been lots of work to be done during the "holidays" (note the inverted commas), with the IB and all that shizz. in fact, if i remember correctly, lots of sad people like me were looking forward to the holidays cos that's when we could get our EETOKIA (hahaha omg, sweet memories -.-) done more quickly without having to "waste time going to school". lol, the insanity and illogicality of school life.
BUT STILL, even with all this nonsense waiting to be done during the "holidays", on hindsight, simply by providing a relief from the daily mundane routine of dragging myself out of my ever-so-possessive bed and to school at hours too early for comfort, these holiday periods should have been appreciated better. sigh. compared to now, when the "holiday" i look forward to is TWO YEARS down the road.
mann, i do miss school life :X
yes, i just realized how much i'm going to miss those thin and inconspicuous lines of yellow/blue/etc appearing on my calendar every march, june, september and november/december. sighhhh. for 12 straight years (or is it kindergarten as well haha) i've been subconsciously eagerly awaiting the arrival of the holidays, and now, cruelly and cold-heartedly stripped away from me, i feel the impact of the void. hahaha.. it's like so...weird. all these years my life has been organized around four terms divided by those yellow/blue/etc morsels of respite from the routine of school.... and now, it's just...an ENDLESS ABYSS of never-ending darkness. HAHAHA. so drama.
haiz i think especially in the more recent years, i've been under-appreciating my holidays, always complaining that there's so much "holiday homework" (which i still believe is the greatest oxymoron ever but ANYWAYSZ) so what's the point of the hols. sure, that's true, indeed there's been lots of work to be done during the "holidays" (note the inverted commas), with the IB and all that shizz. in fact, if i remember correctly, lots of sad people like me were looking forward to the holidays cos that's when we could get our EETOKIA (hahaha omg, sweet memories -.-) done more quickly without having to "waste time going to school". lol, the insanity and illogicality of school life.
BUT STILL, even with all this nonsense waiting to be done during the "holidays", on hindsight, simply by providing a relief from the daily mundane routine of dragging myself out of my ever-so-possessive bed and to school at hours too early for comfort, these holiday periods should have been appreciated better. sigh. compared to now, when the "holiday" i look forward to is TWO YEARS down the road.
mann, i do miss school life :X
Friday, March 5, 2010
i didn't think i would say this, but i kinda miss school life. not the academic side of it mind you, not all the rushing to meet deadlines, trudging through dreary days that drag till 4.40, putting up with off-putting teachers, and of course, the revered, notorious, torturous pillar of dread, EETOKIA. oh mann, no no none of all that please. just thinking about it is...STOP.
rather, i miss the little nuggets of times when we could lose control and be absolutely retarded with it being normal. when we could let go and have fun without worrying about other stuff. like responsibilities. university. being late for book in (lol). learning about and experiencing a different, perhaps darker, side of life. i miss the carefree, innocent after-school moments, holidays of laid-back charm and the lightness and sweetness of simply being with people you want to be with. without all sorts of tensions and hidden connotations that inevitably crop up here and there. malicious sniggers and gossip behind one another's backs. oh, and student-priced movies, concession public transport, student promotions of all sorts haha ;) cheap thrills ftw :D
mann, i don't wanna grow up -.-
it's not that i'm feeling lost in my new life, without purpose or direction, without missions to accomplish, targets to strive for... it's just that, i don't want to face all this yet. i feel that i haven't lived my school days well enough, and fully enough. haiz, regrets, regrets. the dreaded scourge of life that everyone says we should strive not to have.
but then again, regrets are really quite inevitable aren't they? i mean, i just can't see how a person can be fully satisfied with every single aspect of his life, thinking his life is perfect. with no room for any improvement. now that's pretty unlikely isn't it...
anyway, i digress. coming back to this mood of reminiscence, i guess what also strikes me is how profoundly and strikingly people change over the years. it sounds awfully cliched, but it's not, in my opinion. people really do change. sometimes, when i look around and get to interact with people i've known for years, it really jolts me to see how much their behaviour, mannerisms, attitudes etc etc have changed so dramatically. part of me always wishes to relive the past, to revisit the times i had with these changed people, in completely different contexts and situations from that of the present. then again i wonder if they feel the same way too about me, that it's me who has irreversibly morphed into such a different creature. whatever the case, to fondly recall an apt quote from Paddy Clarke, i know "it would never go back to the same again". ah yes, nirmala will be so proud of me :)
sigh. the complexities of human life.
then again, i do also, quite frequently, look forward to the life ahead of me. and all the stuff i want to do, my plans, my ambitions, excite me. i do sometimes feel a rush of blood within, and get motivated to live my new and future life with gusto. and i think about how i can go about achieving my goals, how i can make improvements to my life etc etc..
so here i am, unwilling to let go of the past, yet excited about the life ahead of me. stuck in the middle. (which is a great song by jay sean by the way haha)
sigh. the complexities of human life.
well then, quite a bit of musing around tonight, gotta sleep soon. it's been a tiring week man. oh and the smu open house tomorrow, gotta plan a lil and see which talks to go for...
peace and <3 people! haha.. okay bye for now then.
rather, i miss the little nuggets of times when we could lose control and be absolutely retarded with it being normal. when we could let go and have fun without worrying about other stuff. like responsibilities. university. being late for book in (lol). learning about and experiencing a different, perhaps darker, side of life. i miss the carefree, innocent after-school moments, holidays of laid-back charm and the lightness and sweetness of simply being with people you want to be with. without all sorts of tensions and hidden connotations that inevitably crop up here and there. malicious sniggers and gossip behind one another's backs. oh, and student-priced movies, concession public transport, student promotions of all sorts haha ;) cheap thrills ftw :D
mann, i don't wanna grow up -.-
it's not that i'm feeling lost in my new life, without purpose or direction, without missions to accomplish, targets to strive for... it's just that, i don't want to face all this yet. i feel that i haven't lived my school days well enough, and fully enough. haiz, regrets, regrets. the dreaded scourge of life that everyone says we should strive not to have.
but then again, regrets are really quite inevitable aren't they? i mean, i just can't see how a person can be fully satisfied with every single aspect of his life, thinking his life is perfect. with no room for any improvement. now that's pretty unlikely isn't it...
anyway, i digress. coming back to this mood of reminiscence, i guess what also strikes me is how profoundly and strikingly people change over the years. it sounds awfully cliched, but it's not, in my opinion. people really do change. sometimes, when i look around and get to interact with people i've known for years, it really jolts me to see how much their behaviour, mannerisms, attitudes etc etc have changed so dramatically. part of me always wishes to relive the past, to revisit the times i had with these changed people, in completely different contexts and situations from that of the present. then again i wonder if they feel the same way too about me, that it's me who has irreversibly morphed into such a different creature. whatever the case, to fondly recall an apt quote from Paddy Clarke, i know "it would never go back to the same again". ah yes, nirmala will be so proud of me :)
sigh. the complexities of human life.
then again, i do also, quite frequently, look forward to the life ahead of me. and all the stuff i want to do, my plans, my ambitions, excite me. i do sometimes feel a rush of blood within, and get motivated to live my new and future life with gusto. and i think about how i can go about achieving my goals, how i can make improvements to my life etc etc..
so here i am, unwilling to let go of the past, yet excited about the life ahead of me. stuck in the middle. (which is a great song by jay sean by the way haha)
sigh. the complexities of human life.
well then, quite a bit of musing around tonight, gotta sleep soon. it's been a tiring week man. oh and the smu open house tomorrow, gotta plan a lil and see which talks to go for...
peace and <3 people! haha.. okay bye for now then.
Monday, February 15, 2010
I’ll make it through this pain
My dreams won’t call your name
I’m stronger than that
Cos I still know how to love
Know that will be enough
And this moment will fade into the past
You won’t be the end of me
If you were the one you wouldn’t hurt me so bad
You gave me the world
Gave me the world to take it all away
All you left me was yesterday
And this space in my heart
Now it's slowly tearing me apart
I'm takin’ all that I learned from you
I'll make it something I’ll never do
I can't be who you are
You taught me how to break a heart
but oh well, it's okay, i guess it's not your fault.
My dreams won’t call your name
I’m stronger than that
Cos I still know how to love
Know that will be enough
And this moment will fade into the past
You won’t be the end of me
If you were the one you wouldn’t hurt me so bad
You gave me the world
Gave me the world to take it all away
All you left me was yesterday
And this space in my heart
Now it's slowly tearing me apart
I'm takin’ all that I learned from you
I'll make it something I’ll never do
I can't be who you are
You taught me how to break a heart
but oh well, it's okay, i guess it's not your fault.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Monday, December 28, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
i remember one article describing liverpool's season as "lurching from one crisis to another". sometimes, my life reminds me of liverpool's season.
my life feels like idk, periodic phenomena or something.
cliched as it sounds, sometimes the complexity of human nature really overwhelms me. it makes me not want to be human so i don't have to deal with all this. i see the birds hopping around chirpily and they look so relaxed and free. i envy them.
i need to think carefully. but idk mann.
perhaps i think too much at times. oh, i'm not the only one like that. and i realize it can get quite frustrating when people are like that. so maybe i should curb such behaviour. because i realize that when people think too much, they get all sorts of ideas and perceptions and they become extremely attached to some sort of ideology or belief, and they become so terribly emotionally unstable and become nothing more than a constant wreck of feelings and emotions. they feel lousy about themselves, they feel lousy about everyone else, they get extremely moody and impatient. the slightest trigger sets them off into yet another bout of emotional breakdown. they lash out at people, take offence at the slightest things, and are completely incapable of calming down and cogently thinking through things.
sometimes it feels futile and pointless to talk through things because you know it's going to erupt again, soon, for one reason or another.
sigh. i will not succumb. i will look to God and let Him tell me that He has a purpose for me, and that He has great plans for me. i will stand strong in the knowledge that in spite of everything and anything, He remains there, and He remains true to His word.
so rejoice, for this is the day that the Lord has made :D
my life feels like idk, periodic phenomena or something.
cliched as it sounds, sometimes the complexity of human nature really overwhelms me. it makes me not want to be human so i don't have to deal with all this. i see the birds hopping around chirpily and they look so relaxed and free. i envy them.
i need to think carefully. but idk mann.
perhaps i think too much at times. oh, i'm not the only one like that. and i realize it can get quite frustrating when people are like that. so maybe i should curb such behaviour. because i realize that when people think too much, they get all sorts of ideas and perceptions and they become extremely attached to some sort of ideology or belief, and they become so terribly emotionally unstable and become nothing more than a constant wreck of feelings and emotions. they feel lousy about themselves, they feel lousy about everyone else, they get extremely moody and impatient. the slightest trigger sets them off into yet another bout of emotional breakdown. they lash out at people, take offence at the slightest things, and are completely incapable of calming down and cogently thinking through things.
sometimes it feels futile and pointless to talk through things because you know it's going to erupt again, soon, for one reason or another.
sigh. i will not succumb. i will look to God and let Him tell me that He has a purpose for me, and that He has great plans for me. i will stand strong in the knowledge that in spite of everything and anything, He remains there, and He remains true to His word.
so rejoice, for this is the day that the Lord has made :D
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
hello people, IB's over.
while i'm glad all this nonsense is over, i'm sorta concerned about what's gonna happen to all the knowledge (little as it may be) i've gathered over the years. i mean like, look at math for example. before the exams, it's always "shkrew math, can't wait for exams, after that i'm never touching math again in my life!!" but considering now, all those hours of hell i've been through, all those INTENSE sessions at the staff room benches with desmond and his raspy, growly voice.... (YES MR NAH, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DIFFERENTIATE! IT'S OKAY, THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR....)
now, much as i'm still thrilled about seeing the back of math, i can't help but find it a sort of a waste of all this effort if i don't touch math for the rest of my life. just like chinese last year, when everyone was rejoicing over not having to deal with the language ever again, i couldn't help but find it a waste to throw away all the years of learning the language.
ah but oh well. that's the way it is i guess. i can't possibly be dealing with everything for the rest of my life can i -.-
anyway, look what i found. watch till the end please, that's when the funny stuff occurs. now i'm not sure if it's real, but if it is.... :/
while i'm glad all this nonsense is over, i'm sorta concerned about what's gonna happen to all the knowledge (little as it may be) i've gathered over the years. i mean like, look at math for example. before the exams, it's always "shkrew math, can't wait for exams, after that i'm never touching math again in my life!!" but considering now, all those hours of hell i've been through, all those INTENSE sessions at the staff room benches with desmond and his raspy, growly voice.... (YES MR NAH, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DIFFERENTIATE! IT'S OKAY, THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR....)
now, much as i'm still thrilled about seeing the back of math, i can't help but find it a sort of a waste of all this effort if i don't touch math for the rest of my life. just like chinese last year, when everyone was rejoicing over not having to deal with the language ever again, i couldn't help but find it a waste to throw away all the years of learning the language.
ah but oh well. that's the way it is i guess. i can't possibly be dealing with everything for the rest of my life can i -.-
anyway, look what i found. watch till the end please, that's when the funny stuff occurs. now i'm not sure if it's real, but if it is.... :/
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