a sprinkling of stardust

Taking stock

2011-07-09T23:48:00.003+08:00

woooow, it's been a long loooooooong time and lots of things have happened and lots of things have changed.

firstly, i've been up and about on my patched up ankles since 25th march, that glorious date when i received the all clear for those bulky aircasts to be removed. the first few days after that were pretty darn hard on my poor legs, with the muscles needing to be reconditioned and all. yeah..

so i've been back in action (admittedly much less action than post-surgery though!) since 11th april, and a great deal has happened since then too. so to keep things short and just to refresh my memory of a bygone era....

the first couple of months were spent primarily filling in here and there, both for darren away at the haven which is sembawang camp, as well as john who had to fill in for a certain protege of mine in the art of long mcs :) lol just kidding mann... yeah so it was during this period that i really felt first hand certain tight manpower issues and challenges faced by the saf, what with all the "stand in" appointments here and there. quite farcical actually imo..

then in june, people started to return from their mcs, and darren fell back to reality, so the manpower situation eased a little. i guess that, along with my "new and improved" pes, eventually led to my exit. and some exit it was!

you see, basically, i think it's generally true that the grass is greener on the other side. maybe not always, but GENERALLY SPEAKING. so in the days just before my scheduled exit, i was pretty delirious to be honest, filled with a sense of excitement and anticipation of "better life" awaiting me. well, with the benefit of hindsight, i must say that this perceived "better life" in "greener pastures" is but a shimmering mirage in the desert, enticing when viewed longingly from afar, but flattering to deceive when encountered at close quarters. while it is true that certain aspects of my "new lease of life" are "better" or "more desirable", the overall package, i have to say, is severely overrated.

but perhaps more details at a later date, if at all. for now, this brief recap will suffice. it's been somewhat invigorating and refreshing to think about the events of the past few months, allowing me to pause and take stock of my life thus far. till i return, ciao :)

Mad Jens to return??!

2011-03-16T20:05:00.004+08:00

"He [Lehmann] belongs in the Muppet Show, on the couch or in a mental institution." Tim Wiese

Wow, so apparently The Professor (although an increasingly dumb one) is mulling over re-signing Mad Jens. This is absolutely absurd! Who would have thought he would ever bring his eccentric and entertaining ways back to north London.

However, in spite of the nostalgia surrounding Lehmann's likely move, this appears to be a potential banana skin for the Arsenal, as along with his considerable ability, he always appears to bring with him some element of controversy and comedy. Who knows what he might come up with this time! There always seems to be a significant degree of unpredictability with regards to his behaviour. Certainly, with the Gunners gunning for the only remaining trophy they can hope to win (painful fact), any negative publicity or attention on Lehmann would be a most unwelcome distraction.

Perhaps even more significant is the resulting reunion between Lehmann and his great "pal" Manuel Almunia. With the both of them once again in the same team, the old scars of their less-than-amicable relationship could be reopened. If the two of them do indeed start another round of public bickering, it would be terrible for Arsenal's charge to the title.

That being said, Mad Jens certainly brings with him a wealth of experience and quality, and if no significant off-the-pitch matters arise, he would be a useful addition.

All the best to the Gunners!!

2011-02-06T23:25:00.002+08:00

sometimes it really perturbs me how people fail to see the point of view of others. how they are unable to see things from others' perspective and accept differing viewpoints.

at times i find it frustrating that people don't seem to see things the way i do, that i appear to be strange, different, even plain WEIRD. but please understand, not everyone has the same mindset as you, treats things the way you do and reacts to stimuli the way you do.

sometimes, and for some things, we have to agree to disagree.

2010

2011-01-02T20:53:00.003+08:00

looking back at the year 2010, there really doesn't seem to have been much of note for me. inevitably, much of the year revolved around, the SAF. yes, OUR ARMY. lol.

well, i must put on record that despite all the miseries and irritance and annoyance and plain angst and frustration this NS experience has hurled at me so far, it certainly hasn't been a thorough dread throughout. naturally, some of the activities and exercises i've had the chance to participate in have been real eye-openers for me, with certain aspects interesting to a certain extent. perhaps exercise wallaby would be a good representative of these "better" moments i've had in the saf. "better" and "more enjoyable" in the context of NS, but not things i would make a career of. not stuff i would sell my soul to.

certainly amongst the multitude of new faces i've come into contact with this year, a fair number of relationships have developed into what i would consider friendships. however, i guess only time will reveal the true quality of these new relationships forged. i fondly recall the days of my course at STC, when i would at times (somewhat) look forward to booking in, eagerly anticipating the camaraderie and fellowship with some of the people there. however, i now barely keep in contact with any of them. with the course over, there leaves barely any reason or motivation to contact them. it sure would be good if some of these NS relationships blossom and develop into something deeper and long-lasting.

NS aside, i'm thankful for the people who have stuck around by my side and continued to provide support and company, at times when i need it. it's comforting to know that there are these people i can count on to understand me and my concerns, and that they provide familiar comforts and reliefs from the various things that stress me and get me down. cheers to many more such years!

people aside, 2010 also took me on an emotional roller coaster. (although this is becoming an annoyingly cheesy way of describing things!) to keep things short, the whole process of receiving my IB results, getting stunned by them, stressing over uni apps, applying to the unis, getting rejected by them, busy crafting my heartfelt appeals when everyone else is busy celebrating their overseas scholarships...all the way to finally snaring a place has been nothing short of draining, both physically and emotionally. but at the end of the day, when i put things into perspective, i'm very thankful for being able to successfully complete a pre-university education in a brand-name institution, and go on to pursue a university education, in a desired course no less.

when people size up the year ahead, they tend to say things like, "oh, 2011 promises to be challenging, it will be interesting and i will pursue my goals with enthusiasm and vigour..." and so on and so forth, all expressing a renewed sense of purpose in life. however, personally, i honestly do not forsee anything interesting or exciting in store for me in the year ahead, and there's nothing in particular i look forward to or eagerly anticipate. to put it ultra-depressingly and bleakly, no goals, no purpose in life. but that sounds suicidal. and i'm not really feeling depressed or suicidal, just y'know, feeling the bore of mundane life. hopefully, things will change. i think i need some sort of change, something to shake things up a little. we'll see.

anyways, gtg soon. hope anyone seeing this is feeling more purposeful and driven than i am, and have a great 2011!

Rewind, Recap, Refresh

2010-11-13T19:59:00.009+08:00

It's been close to a week since i returned from the odyssey to Australia that is exercise wallaby.

And what an odyssey it was.......

That's not implying that i enjoyed myself, or had a great time down under, but it certainly was an interesting experience, in too many ways and with too great a spectrum of emotions for me to adequately express in the grossly limited medium of words.

Perhaps suffice to say that personally, my biggest and most fulfilling takeaway would be the strengthened relatioships and bonds forged with certain people. Across the span of those three weeks, i inevitably spent much time and interacted a lot with some of the lads, and i must say that, even if nothing else, the exercise has allowed me to grow closer to some of them and understand them better. Not all of these interactions can be classified as positive ones of course, but they were memorable nonetheless. I certainly look forward to building upon these relationships (even if not in this setting).

Another plus would probably be the sights i was exposed to, out in the field. I'm sure those rolling plains and magnificent peaks will be etched in my mind for years (or at least months) to come. And as someone with a rather adventurous spirit (i would like to think!), i would rather be thankful for the entire exercise i've had the chance to experience, rather than complain about the less-than-savoury conditions we had to put up with. Undoubtedly, there's a whole myriad of unique memories to be kept. The wallabys and kangaroos leaping by, peering curiously at passers-by. The pesky little black and white birds (i still don't know what they're called!) that keep swooping down on passers-by, catching them unawares. The searing afternoon heat and plummeting less-than-snug temperatures at night. The torrents of water that hurtle down the side of the tents and swirl around the safari beds when the skies let loose. The tents that morph into GREENhouses (both literally and figuratively!) under the blazing sun, engulfing us in the trapped heat. The long, winding queues at the cookhouse tentage that form at the cue of a curt blast from danial's tonner truck. The many deprived souls craving for the exorbitantly overpriced delicacies at the canteen. The long treks from tentage to store container to vehicle park to cookhouse to tentage (and back again) that had me zig-zagging continuously across the entire camp.

The R&R period (i refuse to call it ETP as it was hardly an EDUCATIONAL Tour Programme), though short, allowed me a glimpse into the city of Rockhampton. And i find it such a pleasant place, devoid of the large swathes of busy crowds in a constant state of rush, with the traffic relatively free-flowing, even in the city centre. There are plenty of laidback charms in the city, such as the serenity of the Botanical Gardens and zoo, the many parks and gardens dotting the city, or even just the quiet avenues with beautiful houses and architecture. All this set against the spectacular backdrop of the Berserker Range and Mount Archer.

Then again, inevitably, it wasn't all joy and laughter. Longstanding problems persist, and most are linked to who else but ___________. But it's not worth writing about these and going on and on about the See Ass Am. After all, what's new.

Generally speaking, i'm glad i went through this exercise, as i got to experience many things i would otherwise never have experienced. I'm thankful for the strengthened relationships, and also thankful that i pulled through relatively unscathed. A memorable experience, but stilll...

Ah, y'guys know what i mean.

2010-10-03T23:29:00.002+08:00

so many things to do with my life, but so many factors hindering my progress.

if only there existed a world of bottomless resources and limitless time.

looking back, i must say it's a wonder merely 9 measly months have passed since that something happened. it's like a whole load of stuff has occurred since then and i don't see how all of it could possibly fit into 9 months.

maybe it's just my current state of mind, brought about by my current environment.

this certainly is something new to me. being forced into such a crass environment filled with some of the most boorish people i've ever stumbled upon. heh, don't get me started on the people mann. it's so farcical, it's being such a joke. haha. people who think they own the world, or perhaps, are the world. people who are blind to so many things both in and out of this world due to their inability to see beyond. it's so _________.

haiz, so tired. cya around sometime.

2010-08-29T15:30:00.002+08:00

life truly has been terribly draining. physically, emotionally, mentally. any other way you can think of. however, as much as i complain and feel depressed about my posting and the life there, i can't help but keep wondering if the problem lies with just me, or for that matter, just this few of us stuck here, or if pastures elsewhere truly are greener.

but certainly, the place has to take at least some of the blame, if not most. this is where i'm truly experiencing the military lifestyle clothed in and slathered with all its full glory, brusque, vulgar people and all. add the work demands, difficult people, lack of freedom and friends etc etc, and there you have it. receipe for ______.

but enough of this, really. anyway, the full extent of these problems is way beyond what i am able to put into words and include in a blog post. to the few people going through this with me and understanding what it is like, thanks for your support and presence. just as how you most certainly appreciate mine, haha.

i'm rather disappointed at how my Singapore 2010 YOG experience was pretty much stunted and ruined simply by being a NSF. y'know what i mean. not being able to go out and appreciate the events, soak in the atmosphere etc. what more is there to say.

having some pretty major field exercise this coming week, sigh. i really hope to be able to find some time and energy to get in a few runs, some gym visits.

AHHHH.............

2010-06-28T23:09:00.004+08:00

recent times have been pretty much a breath of fresh air. cq course winding down, with the sudden deluge of overdue off days, more relaxed state of mind even while in camp, and above all, the offer from ntu which i gratefully heaved a sigh of relief over and brought me some much-needed respite from the months of stress, pressure, furrowed brows...and a whole lot of mess of $&*(*&^%#@

it was horrible indeed. as much as i constantly tried to remind myself that it's all part of God's plan and that He will take care of me and provide, it was incredibly hard not to worry and despair. as everyone else talks/blogs/facebooks excitedly about their entire catalogue of offers and scholarships, you sit in front of the computer plugging away at the uni websites, filling in application after futile application, and following that, appeal after appeal. instead of thoroughly enjoying days off and weekends in the knowledge that your higher education plans are all sewn up, there's this constant nagging reminder that you're hanging in the balance. while all these people around you are happily bubbling about their grand plans, you desperately call up and consult teachers, friends, unis, pleading for advice and hoping for some comfort and encouragement that all is not lost.

and that's not even considering the emotions of dealing with the self-reproach for screwin' up the past two years, culminating in that miserable, measly thirty-five.

but guess what, IT'S ALL OVER. and looking back on this mental and psychological odyssey, i must thank God for allowing me to now better appreciate my spot. i used to think that my attending uni was a given, just a matter of scholarships and choice of course. certainly not anymore, and this experience will drive me to work harder, hopefully the scare doesn't wear off by the time 2012 comes around!

in addition, i guess i should thank God for sparing me even worse depression and mental stress. just a day after i discovered the offer from ntu, i received this email. acs asking about our uni placements. imagine if i had nothing to show for, which was the case just hours before the email came in.

also, God kindly gave me the spot before this long backlog of off days i mentioned earlier, thereby enabling me to spend the past few days in, i would confidently say, the most relaxed state i've been in so far this year, finally without having to stress over uni stuff.

certainly, God will make a way, where there seems to be no way.

2010-05-01T23:07:00.002+08:00

sighhh. 2 weeks into this CQ course, i'm already feeling drained and devoid of any enthusiasm. the endless dreary lectures are even more boring and dry and draggy than my economics or english lectures! and one big problem is that in school, there were lots of avenues to do research and refer to books, the internet and even teachers, while here, it's like the only source of information is the lectures themselves. which are so hard to stay awake in. haiz. and i just can't find the motivation to be even the least bit interested in the content. oh wells, but i guess i'd better not rant and rave too much here, cos well y'know, sensitivity issues...

but i feel that in the larger scheme of things, there's a more pressing issue. well i'm not sure how to let it all out here, but i hope God will show me what to do. God please guide me and help me be what You want me to be for You. perhaps i should thank God, for making me feel this responsibility to be an example for those around me, especially this particular friend. i think maybe God has placed him in my life to remind me of the importance of being a good testimony for Him through my words, thoughts and actions, although certainly, i've a long way to go mann...damn -.-

well i hope that in the coming weeks, i will be able to prepare well for my CQ vocation. i pray that even in the midst of the rough and tumble of military life, Lord You will always be foremost in my life, and guide me in my dealings with the world.

also to all y'guys out there as well, take care and (try to) enjoy!

cya mann..

2010-04-09T23:54:00.001+08:00

look, another great tribute to The King. LOL!

2010-04-02T23:55:00.004+08:00

i know michael jackson's death is kinda old news, but THIS IS REALLY AWESOME :) GUY SEBASTIAN IS AWESOME :) THIS VIDEO IS AWESOME :)

2010-03-19T23:36:00.007+08:00

haha glancing at the march page of my calendar recently, it suddenly dawned on me that from this year on, my calendar is going to be much duller and less uhhh.. exciting to look at.

yes, i just realized how much i'm going to miss those thin and inconspicuous lines of yellow/blue/etc appearing on my calendar every march, june, september and november/december. sighhhh. for 12 straight years (or is it kindergarten as well haha) i've been subconsciously eagerly awaiting the arrival of the holidays, and now, cruelly and cold-heartedly stripped away from me, i feel the impact of the void. hahaha.. it's like so...weird. all these years my life has been organized around four terms divided by those yellow/blue/etc morsels of respite from the routine of school.... and now, it's just...an ENDLESS ABYSS of never-ending darkness. HAHAHA. so drama.

haiz i think especially in the more recent years, i've been under-appreciating my holidays, always complaining that there's so much "holiday homework" (which i still believe is the greatest oxymoron ever but ANYWAYSZ) so what's the point of the hols. sure, that's true, indeed there's been lots of work to be done during the "holidays" (note the inverted commas), with the IB and all that shizz. in fact, if i remember correctly, lots of sad people like me were looking forward to the holidays cos that's when we could get our EETOKIA (hahaha omg, sweet memories -.-) done more quickly without having to "waste time going to school". lol, the insanity and illogicality of school life.

BUT STILL, even with all this nonsense waiting to be done during the "holidays", on hindsight, simply by providing a relief from the daily mundane routine of dragging myself out of my ever-so-possessive bed and to school at hours too early for comfort, these holiday periods should have been appreciated better. sigh. compared to now, when the "holiday" i look forward to is TWO YEARS down the road.

mann, i do miss school life :X

2010-03-05T22:11:00.005+08:00

i didn't think i would say this, but i kinda miss school life. not the academic side of it mind you, not all the rushing to meet deadlines, trudging through dreary days that drag till 4.40, putting up with off-putting teachers, and of course, the revered, notorious, torturous pillar of dread, EETOKIA. oh mann, no no none of all that please. just thinking about it is...STOP.

rather, i miss the little nuggets of times when we could lose control and be absolutely retarded with it being normal. when we could let go and have fun without worrying about other stuff. like responsibilities. university. being late for book in (lol). learning about and experiencing a different, perhaps darker, side of life. i miss the carefree, innocent after-school moments, holidays of laid-back charm and the lightness and sweetness of simply being with people you want to be with. without all sorts of tensions and hidden connotations that inevitably crop up here and there. malicious sniggers and gossip behind one another's backs. oh, and student-priced movies, concession public transport, student promotions of all sorts haha ;) cheap thrills ftw :D

mann, i don't wanna grow up -.-

it's not that i'm feeling lost in my new life, without purpose or direction, without missions to accomplish, targets to strive for... it's just that, i don't want to face all this yet. i feel that i haven't lived my school days well enough, and fully enough. haiz, regrets, regrets. the dreaded scourge of life that everyone says we should strive not to have.

but then again, regrets are really quite inevitable aren't they? i mean, i just can't see how a person can be fully satisfied with every single aspect of his life, thinking his life is perfect. with no room for any improvement. now that's pretty unlikely isn't it...

anyway, i digress. coming back to this mood of reminiscence, i guess what also strikes me is how profoundly and strikingly people change over the years. it sounds awfully cliched, but it's not, in my opinion. people really do change. sometimes, when i look around and get to interact with people i've known for years, it really jolts me to see how much their behaviour, mannerisms, attitudes etc etc have changed so dramatically. part of me always wishes to relive the past, to revisit the times i had with these changed people, in completely different contexts and situations from that of the present. then again i wonder if they feel the same way too about me, that it's me who has irreversibly morphed into such a different creature. whatever the case, to fondly recall an apt quote from Paddy Clarke, i know "it would never go back to the same again". ah yes, nirmala will be so proud of me :)

sigh. the complexities of human life.

then again, i do also, quite frequently, look forward to the life ahead of me. and all the stuff i want to do, my plans, my ambitions, excite me. i do sometimes feel a rush of blood within, and get motivated to live my new and future life with gusto. and i think about how i can go about achieving my goals, how i can make improvements to my life etc etc..

so here i am, unwilling to let go of the past, yet excited about the life ahead of me. stuck in the middle. (which is a great song by jay sean by the way haha)

sigh. the complexities of human life.

well then, quite a bit of musing around tonight, gotta sleep soon. it's been a tiring week man. oh and the smu open house tomorrow, gotta plan a lil and see which talks to go for...

peace and <3 people! haha.. okay bye for now then.

2010-02-15T13:28:00.004+08:00

I’ll make it through this pain
My dreams won’t call your name
I’m stronger than that
Cos I still know how to love
Know that will be enough
And this moment will fade into the past
You won’t be the end of me
If you were the one you wouldn’t hurt me so bad
You gave me the world

Gave me the world to take it all away
All you left me was yesterday
And this space in my heart
Now it's slowly tearing me apart
I'm takin’ all that I learned from you
I'll make it something I’ll never do
I can't be who you are
You taught me how to break a heart

but oh well, it's okay, i guess it's not your fault.

stop this world

2010-01-22T23:48:00.000+08:00

from spinning

2009-12-28T21:40:00.002+08:00

i saw this on a friend's blog some time back, and it made a great impact on me. i think it's great video, a timely reminder that makes us reconsider what is really important in life.

please watch, and may you be renewed and touched by it :D

2009-12-23T21:18:00.001+08:00

"Daddy daddy, what type of fish is this?"

"Arowana"

"What's arowana?"

-.-

2009-12-01T13:33:00.002+08:00

i remember one article describing liverpool's season as "lurching from one crisis to another". sometimes, my life reminds me of liverpool's season.

my life feels like idk, periodic phenomena or something.

cliched as it sounds, sometimes the complexity of human nature really overwhelms me. it makes me not want to be human so i don't have to deal with all this. i see the birds hopping around chirpily and they look so relaxed and free. i envy them.

i need to think carefully. but idk mann.

perhaps i think too much at times. oh, i'm not the only one like that. and i realize it can get quite frustrating when people are like that. so maybe i should curb such behaviour. because i realize that when people think too much, they get all sorts of ideas and perceptions and they become extremely attached to some sort of ideology or belief, and they become so terribly emotionally unstable and become nothing more than a constant wreck of feelings and emotions. they feel lousy about themselves, they feel lousy about everyone else, they get extremely moody and impatient. the slightest trigger sets them off into yet another bout of emotional breakdown. they lash out at people, take offence at the slightest things, and are completely incapable of calming down and cogently thinking through things.

sometimes it feels futile and pointless to talk through things because you know it's going to erupt again, soon, for one reason or another.

sigh. i will not succumb. i will look to God and let Him tell me that He has a purpose for me, and that He has great plans for me. i will stand strong in the knowledge that in spite of everything and anything, He remains there, and He remains true to His word.

so rejoice, for this is the day that the Lord has made :D

2009-11-17T10:30:00.003+08:00

hello people, IB's over.

while i'm glad all this nonsense is over, i'm sorta concerned about what's gonna happen to all the knowledge (little as it may be) i've gathered over the years. i mean like, look at math for example. before the exams, it's always "shkrew math, can't wait for exams, after that i'm never touching math again in my life!!" but considering now, all those hours of hell i've been through, all those INTENSE sessions at the staff room benches with desmond and his raspy, growly voice.... (YES MR NAH, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DIFFERENTIATE! IT'S OKAY, THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR....)

now, much as i'm still thrilled about seeing the back of math, i can't help but find it a sort of a waste of all this effort if i don't touch math for the rest of my life. just like chinese last year, when everyone was rejoicing over not having to deal with the language ever again, i couldn't help but find it a waste to throw away all the years of learning the language.

ah but oh well. that's the way it is i guess. i can't possibly be dealing with everything for the rest of my life can i -.-

anyway, look what i found. watch till the end please, that's when the funny stuff occurs. now i'm not sure if it's real, but if it is.... :/

2009-10-28T23:33:00.000+08:00

dude, this is real!

IB exams are, HERE.

.......

jdiuegrdqlwiejdwsqouswlijznlikjedxnweisdjxc

!@#$%^&(*^%#@!^&&*(*%#@!

okay, ciao.

:(

2009-10-12T23:34:00.000+08:00

it's _____ (don't wanna know, don't wanna count) days to IB, and my prelims are _______.

and i keep feeling so tired.

yes, it's not a joke, not some hidden code or meaning whatsoever. it's retarded. even when i feel motivated to do work or something, i get so tired it's like just drop dead and vegetate sorta thing. and it's not like the geog ia and ee era when sleep was a luxury. i just keep feeling so lethargic. i desperately need some secret formula or diet or JUST SOMETHING to keep me awake and fresh and alert! and everyone's like, COFFEE, or TEA or RED BULL or some sort of strange idiosyncrasies of their own to get them going, but coffee for me works only sometimes, and has rather limited effects. and sometimes i can fall asleep right after drinking -.-

ahh, damn it's retarded.

tired man. maybe i should have taken Os after all? idk mann. certainly didn't feel anything like this during PSLE. then again, it's PSLE :/

2009-10-03T20:49:00.005+08:00

it's probably a sign that i'm studying too hard when everything in life gets related to the academic syllabus. haha :/

the other day, i was on the mrt when these two ridiculously smoochy and touchy-feely lovebirds boarded. then i heard the girl ask, "what's your blood type?"

"B-"

"Mine's A+"

straightaway in my head i started doing the genetic cross diagram using all the possible combinations, enthusiastically recalling all the recessive alleles, codominance what not etc etc etc... LOL.

then another day a friend who's one of those noobs still holding on to the old ez link card (after like, a million years to change it) started wondering why the cash fare on public transport is more expensive. then i started thinking in economic terms about the rationale behind the pricing strategy etc etc.

sigh, too much mugging already! yeah right -.-

2009-09-12T11:24:00.000+08:00

STUDYING IS SUCH A CHORE :(

:'(

-.-

:X

:/

:S

2009-08-31T20:34:00.001+08:00

oh my, how cool is this! i think i might actually seriously consider doing work related to stuff like that in the future, i mean, it's so cool! i think it'll be really great, interacting with wildlife, trying to understand them better, helping in conservation efforts...

uhm, part of the video's a 'lil horny, but oh well :/ THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!

how intriguing!

2009-08-26T21:39:00.000+08:00

ohmygoodnessgraciousme, guys, ioc is over guys, like omg, like, the **** is over. no more dumb lear, emo orsino, incomprehensible frost and so onnnnnnnnn!!!!!

okay, in a break from emoness, i must say i was really quite pleased with the extract i got. caged bird extract 3, omg. quite cool mann. i was really glad i didn't get any frost poem, that guy is ridiculous. i mean like wth, i walk into the garden, i see the trees, the swaying branches, a bird flies by, i see the blooming flowers, i hear the rustling leaves, the rushing water, i see the pretty clouds, there are holes in my effing wall.. oh look, i see a rotting pile of wood..like woww! so very interesting!! hmm, now i shall spend my next few hours wondering how this miserable pile of wood appeared in this forest. hmm, very cool. so whatd'you want me to do about it?! i'm like so interested to know what the boulders in your wall look like. I'M LIKE WTHHH??!! @#$%^&^%$^*&(*&(* IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY?! HIS POEMS ARE SO URGHHH! FROST IS GAY :X

okay, lear's actually kinda addictive! like, i find myself talking in lear language now lol, wth :/

caged bird was quite cool, fair enough. thank God. so anyway, yeah okay, ioc's over, great.

damn, prelims. and then, DAMN, IB :X

arghh, shkrew, off to watch king lear and twelfth night on youtube!!

2009-08-13T23:41:00.004+08:00

okay, i know this is getting very repetitive and boring, every post being a complaint of some sort, but i think i can safely and confidently say the past few days have really been the worst stretch i've ever experienced in school. as far back as i can remember, even all the way from primary 1. it's like, i'm in such deep **** i don't even feel anything much anymore. it's becoming so farcical. it's just turning into a huge joke, it's ridiculous.

it's like, each day i've been dragging myself to school (on days when i do actually go to school), with my stupid geog ia and my ee hanging over my head like some bubonic plague or curse or H1N1 or the like. every day is a battle royale not just to complete those ******* pieces of ****, but also to avoid certain teachers, come up with convincing explanations and reasons for not getting stuff done, trying to make full use of my time, getting really pi**ed at how going to school sometimes really is a real waste of time but i still have to, getting worried about ioc but having no time/being unable to study for it... and the list seriously drags on and on. to a certain extent, i really miss those days in sec 1, sec 2, when we would innocently turn up at school every day and go for each and every lesson properly, on time and with the right attitude. most of all, i miss how the issue with work back then was simply a matter of disciplining yourself, telling yourself to focus for a few hours at the most, before triumphantly completing everything, leaving some time for tv, for going out, etc. now, it's really not that simple. the stuff is hard, it's no longer just a matter of focusing and perhaps mugging for a couple of hours a day. instead, it's a painful, arduous, drawn-out process that really saps you to the core, facing major difficulties in not just the subject content, but also the various ******* pieces of coursework, most of all, the ias and that small matter of 4000 words. yes, i know all these should be sort of over by now, but no i'm sorry, it's not for me. and that just serves to make it even worse. most of the time, school becomes a relative waste of time, cuz there's just so much work to do, to be submitted, i just want to get going and do it. not running around the whole day, rushing from lesson to lesson, and not being able to focus on the lesson anyway cuz my entire mind and soul is occupied by the stuff i've to do. and even worse, wasting my time at dialogues and other activities such as random talks and stuff like national day celebrations which are admittedly not useless, but really are so pointless in comparison to the grim tasks i have at hand, that they become a real waste of time.

what the **** is going on man.

2009-07-31T22:22:00.003+08:00

the past few days have been really tumultuous for me, and i can imagine it's going to be like that for a huge part of the rest of the year, with IOC, and of course THE BIG ONE =X

also, i feel that over the past few days, i've seen many different sides of many people, and some of the experiences certainly haven't been too pleasant. however, i feel like i've matured since, uhm, idk, some time back, and i think i notice myself being able to deal with unsavoury people and experiences better. where in the past i would dwell on things way too much, and let them overly affect me, i think i now see things in a different light, and i feel like i'm more able to accept unpleasant things as normal and part of the larger scheme of things. i think (and hope) i'm able to brush them off a lot more lightly now, and realize that many of these things really do not matter, and i should not let them bother me.

also, there are a few bad habits i need to cut out. like being such a perfectionist. sometimes, it really goes over the top and hinders my progess, and it becomes counter-productive.

i'm also noticing many pesky "growing up" habits like being affected by peer pressure, being overly concerned by how people see me and what they think of me, and trying too hard to "fit", and the like. i think if left unacknowledged and uncontrolled, these things have the potential to become really serious. so i want to watch myself.

for the lack of a better ending,

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand, and show you that you can.
There are no boundaries,
There are no boundaries.

2009-07-25T22:40:00.005+08:00

haha, i just randomly found this very random video on the arsenal website. i found it so funny, like, it's just so random and weird, lol.

it's just damn funny watching him talk like that hahaha...he's like so tired and bored about everything ><

eh, but i still think gallas is damn cool okay!

2009-07-22T23:54:00.003+08:00

apparently this term is supposed to be freer, with all the IAs, EE, TOK........gone. but mann, no way man.

that geog IA is honestly ______. it's turning into such a farce, i'm becoming numb to all the repeated reminders to submit. EE too. blah. and there's just so many irritating details required to take note of when trying to do up my CAS file.

oh. and then there's the small issue of results. hah, i'm sorry, i really don't know what to say or make of it really. i'm not even gonna bother to sound angry or sad or emo or anything 'cuz it's just beyond any form of description at all.

okay, then there's IOC. enough said.

life. sigh, life.

2009-07-16T22:21:00.002+08:00

recently, i've been noticing a sudden huge surge of interest in anything to do with our dear friend michael jackson. michael jackson craze is seriously present big time everywhere. all the shops are playing his music, news of him is everywhere in the papers, in the news, on the internet...my friends are watching his videos on youtube and falling madly in love with him...

i think it's just so sad that it had to take his death for people to finally realize what they had not treasured all this while. friends are watching his interviews and telling me "ohh so sad, his life was so pitiful.." and so on. oh wellsz.

anyway...enjoy!

2009-07-13T23:44:00.004+08:00

the other day, i saw a random moth resting on a ledge in my doorway. and i wanted to get rid of it, 'cuz i was about to sleep and i didn't want it flying around in the dark and possibly brushing me in the process. insects are urghh :/

so i was brainstorming all the possible ways of getting rid of it. after consideration, i decided to use my super duper power fan. that fan is insane i tell you. it's so powerful i don't like using it. it blows my papers all over and makes it hard to get anything done. it's one of those stand fans that lets you select levels one to three, and even level one is ridiculously powerful. i thought, that's certainly gonna get that moth moving in a hurry. so i took out that behemoth of a fan, set it at the highest fan speed possible (which is probably comparable to a mini hurricane), and blasted it straight at the revolting thing.

the wings and feelers and everything started flapping furiously in all directions like crazy...but the retarded moth clung on. i was like, what the! its wings were flapping around like the flag you see high in the sky at the national day parade, and still, it clung on to the ledge.

determined to remove its wretched presence, i carried the fan and brought it even closer to the thing. the gust was blasting straight at the moth, its wings looked as if they were about to fall off any moment, its feelers were vibrating more than a, well a whateverrrrr... and still, it clung on for dear life, refusing to budge. i'm standing there scratching my head and thinking what the pong is wrong with this idiot of a moth. instead of using all its energy to stubbornly cling on to that miserable ledge, why doesn't it just fly away and go somewhere else where it can rest properly, instead of fighting against some evil force trying desperate to blow it off the face of the earth! leave me alone mann!

in the end, i gave up. a measly miserable moth triumphed over me and my hurricane of a fan. lol -.-

A tribute to Michael Joseph Jackson

2009-06-27T22:34:00.007+08:00

Dearest Michael,

Even as I sit here typing these painful words, I struggle to come to terms with your untimely passing. My heart aches with a longing for your continued presence with us. It is so difficult to come to terms with and accept your all-too-sudden departure.

I fondly recall the early days when I first came to know about you and the unrivalled genius you were. I was captivated by your scintillating beats, grooves and vibes. You stole my heart and from then on, I inevitably took a great interest in not just your peerless music, but also your life which continues to fascinate me to this very day.

And what a life you lived!

I recall reading about your history, and watching documentary after documentary about your life in general, from your tender years as an indispensible part of the Jackson 5, right through to your later days as the despicable media increasingly criticized and hounded you for every single act and word they deemed inappropriate, with barely a thought for your emotions and well-being. I recall with a burning anger and sorrowful pain, how almost the entire world turned against you in your time of need throughout the numerous baseless and unfounded accusations aimed coldly and hatefully at you. I remember doing my part in defending you from my schoolmates and others who blindly joined the increasing chorus of protests against your every word and action. Thankfully, justice prevailed and you triumphed over the evil forces of lies and deception aimed solely at bringing you down from your rightful lofty perch at the pinnacle of the entertainment world. I recall the level of vindication I felt upon hearing that your good name had finally been cleared.

As the years floated by, I grew more and more fascinated with your lifestyle. Even as the vast majority criticized you for your fantasy-like ranch, activities and behaviour, I was enchanted by your zoo, your amusement park and certainly, your charity, which reached out to so many organizations and people. I greatly longed for a chance to meet you in person, though that will now forever remain an unfulfilled dream.

It is such a pity that the world will not get to witness the 50 great performances you had planned for us. You had been working so long and hard on putting on a terrific show for us, and ought to have the opportunity to do what you love doing and show us again just what you are capable of.

Dear Friend, even as your life on this earth comes to a premature end, rest assured that your music and influence will live on in the hearts, minds and souls of many. You will remain a major source of inspiration to the many aspiring performers out there, struggling to make even a fraction of the impact you made on the world. Having toiled away at your magical music, and fought many hard battles, may you now find true rest in a better place. As the final curtain falls on one of the greatest shows of all time, allow us to give you the loudest and longest standing ovation anyone has ever received and will ever receive.

With an unbridled love and a heavy heart,
Gareth.

i'll be on your side forever more, that's what friends are for.

2009-06-18T23:24:00.013+08:00

what's in a friendship? what is it between two people that makes them consider each other friends? how are friends supposed to behave towards each other?

honestly, i'm rather confused.

i remember myself saying in primary school that i didn't need friends. like, i thought i could get through this world and its mess by myself. i'm not sure if i even thought about needing God. anyway, it's kinda different now ain't it.

but even as i socialize and make links with other people, i find myself wondering if certain people are indeed to be considered friends. what's a real friend like? what's the role of a real friend? how's a real friend supposed to behave in various circumstances?

sometimes i wonder if it is actually possible to maintain friendships for a long long time. isn't it true that people start to drift apart after some time? i often recall, "familiarity breeds contempt", and i guess i probably would have to agree.

i think, after some time, people start to take each other for granted. after a certain period of seeing each other on a near-daily basis, you start to think that he will always be there, no matter what. even if he goes away, it's just for a short holiday kind of stuff, he'll always be back. you slowly appreciate less and less what this person has to offer, and the qualities of this person slowly fade and become duller and duller, eventually rendering him nothing but another nameless face. perhaps it's like marriage, when initially, the couple are so enthusiastic about each other, and they are so madly in love with each other, and they just can't get enough of each other. every day begins with a huge hug and perhaps a slimy smooch or two, and ends with them getting nice and cosy in bed, cuddled together inseparably. fast forward a few decades (if they even make it that far), and they no longer feel that same passion for each other. instead of yearning to see and touch that once-flawless face and body, all they now see in each other is each other's flaws, such as placing the vase in the "wrong" place, setting the aircon at the "wrong" temperature, and perhaps even buying the "wrong" brand of tissue paper. they leave for work (separately) before the sun rises and don't get home till it sets. by then, they're too tired to do anything and just flop onto the bed and start snoring. which then becomes the trigger for yet another round of arguments. they don't realize how much they actually still love each other, until perhaps, something terribly wrong happens to one of them. and then the one who's left behind cries his heart out, "why did i fight with her every day!" but then it's too late. same for friendships. friends tend to take each other for granted, and don't fully appreciate each other, until one of them is gone, be it a death, or even just emigration halfway around the world. yes craig david, truly, you don't miss your water 'til the well runs dry.

sometimes i also wonder if it's right for one party to declare his friendship with someone else over. when does it become meaningless to continue a friendship? like, perhaps if he's constantly having to reassure his insecure friend about his perceived weaknesses, or perhaps if the friend constantly throws tantrums and hissy fits, going into these incomprehensible emo moments when only himself knows what's bothering him. and after recovering from the shock of seeing his friend behave so emotionally, he tries to coax him to talk about what's bothering him, but to his dismay and frustration, his friend refuses to talk, only asking to be left alone.

in a bid to further develop and enhance their friendship, he regularly calls his friend for chats, and also enthusiastically tries to meet him whenever possible, to catch up on life, and perhaps to discuss any issues that may require discussion and sharing. and yet, all his efforts are constantly met with stony indifference and cold detachment. he feels like he's the only one trying to maintain the friendship, with no effort from his friend at all. at times, it even seems to him that his friend is deliberately trying to distance himself from him. he feels sad, rejected, and utterly confused by his friend's icy treatment. what are friends for anyway? shouldn't they share their problems cares and concerns with each other? if one party constantly has to try to get the other to open up and share his problems, and if he has to constantly reassure him that regardless of all the digs and jibes, his flaws don't matter in the friendship, is this still considered a real friendship? isn't it becoming more like a personal counselling service?

and yet, his friend still refuses to talk, to bare his soul, to share with him just what is bothering him, instead retreating into his shell of cold comfort. frustrated by all the unexplained moodiness, weary of all the unrequited brotherly love, he wonders if he should bother any longer. a part of him wants to give up, and yet, as he recalls the joyous moments, the morsels of understanding and love they shared, he cannot tear himself away.

he is stuck, unable to stay put, unable to move on.

2009-06-13T23:33:00.007+08:00

the other day, while looking through my old messages, the concept of change suddenly came upon me and overwhelmed me. okay, maybe not overwhelmed, but still, made me think. or rather, made me think harder than i usually do. which isn't really saying much actually >< but oh wellsz. ANYWAYS.

so it just occurred to me that, clichéd as it may sound, people really do change. this change may be outwardly expressed, or it may not be. it may be obvious, or perhaps not so obvious. but nevertheless, it's still change. and i suddenly found it quite scary actually, when someone you've known for some time is no longer the person you knew. okay, perhaps this is overstating it. hyperbole. as in, it's not like the person is completely unrecognizable, it's not like this person behaves so differently, treats you differently, and so on. it's just that, when someone has assumed new identities, new roles in life, done things which you know have irreversibly changed his/her life, it's sorta scary, in a sense. it's like, you know he/she will never be the same person, ever again. i mean, even if the change is not outwardly expressed or obvious, you know he/she has permanently left behind a part of him/her, and is now permanently a different person, for better or for worse. and sometimes, you just don't want to let go. you don't want to let go of the person you knew. you don't want to let go of how this person used to be. i don't understand this desire to cling to the past, but somehow, it just feels uncomfortable leaving it all behind, and moving on in life, seeing the person do different things and behaving differently, even if only slightly differently, and above all, coming to terms with and accepting this person in his/her new self.

it gets a little nostalgic, thinking about the past, thinking about this person in his/her old self, thinking about the times, words, and thoughts shared with this person in his/her old self. and when you fast forward and look at this same person in the present, you get a little sad that it's just different now, that the past is all over now.

closer to the sun ^^

2009-06-06T15:53:00.008+08:00

phew, past few days have really been insanely insane, what holidays please >< i feel like i've been in a constant whirlwind, tornado, hurricane, tsunami, whatever, always rushing from one place to another, brain constantly bombarded with various stimuli shooting at me from all directions and angles. i need to sit down, and REST. TAKE A BREATHER.

i'm glad i've recently had a couple of talks with people i've been wanting to talk to regarding things, issues, that have been weighing on my mind. not any major, depression-inducing, cut myself sorta issues y'know, just a couple things that have been bothering me a little. perhaps confusing me a little as well. anywayzzz, i'm glad these sharing sessions took place, allowing me to understand things, and people, better. but oh well, life's complicated ain't it :-/

oh, had the NS medical thingy as well. uhmm, was okay, but hate the loads of waiting, waiting, waiting and waitinggggg.... and, was kinda, weird at SOME PARTS :X do all perverts and gays become doctors? heheh ;)

after that, had this nice little trip to this Mind Cafe place with friends, lovely night guys! but i felt a little weird at the place, the gaming over dinner concept, just not my sorta thing, sorry :O but great fun and company nevertheless!

oh, and apparently my dream of seeing Barry at the Emirates has been crushed by those ultra insane oil people at a certain Manchester City FC. damnittt, and Alonso looks set to be lured away to Florentino Perez and his second wave of galacticos at Real Madrid, so no Alonso at the Emirates as well??! ahh, shkrewwy, shitey, NOT cool ><

okay, i can see a very VERY busy and crazy 3 weeks ahead of me. wish me all the best!

2009-05-31T23:56:00.008+08:00

so fc barcelona, campeónes of europe, well done and congrats! i must say though, that i'm not really a great fan of them. i'm feeling so upbeat about their champions league victory simply 'cuz they destroyed manchester united :D :D :D yes, very personal stuff here, but oh wellz ^^

but i think credit to them, they played really well. i think Eto'o was exceptionally wonderful. but his goal painfully reminded me of THAT heartbreak 3 years back -.- same sort of goal: cut in, near post...only different side lolz. oh and i think Puyol was great! love his style, seriously. and yes, Pique, that guy. i think he really shoved it all back down united's throats with that one heck of a performance on the night. in my opinion, he put in a near-flawless display, constantly alert to any danger, mopping up the occasional mess left by Toure, etc etc etc... honestly, what else to say? i think they were great, really. Iniesta, Xavi, Messi... really, hats off to all of them! and that 38-year old Guardiola, making his 67-year old counterpart look silly, goodness!

oh, and i finally had a spin on the Singapore Flyer! :-) haha, quite cool, but i sorta expected a more spectacular view at the peak >< oh well, it was okaaaay :| oh, and i was thinking it would be quite cool for the flyer to have a glass bottom, whoooo, exciting muchhhh!!! but then again, it probably would make lots of people freak out!

right now i'm trying to reduce my TOK essay by about 70 words for the final submission, ahh damn, sickening. but it's gonna be over soon!

oh mother, this june "vacation" is gonna be _____. but i refuse to let myself drown in work, nope nope. life is more than that! so there, take that!

i have been chosen to run with the wind

2009-05-23T23:48:00.010+08:00

awesome HC dance night! <333 really cool, watching them shake it, and inevitably, i started thinking about my own upcoming thingum in august, and gosh, so very shkrewwed, i really need time and discipline to practise practise practise!!!! sigh, if only i were HALF their standard...

but didn't really enjoy the chinese dance parts heh =/ nothing personal, just my preference!

and the piggy's fetish for dark places, randomly walking around the neighbourhood at night to soak in the dark, what the! dark deserted places freak me out, urghh =X

and oh, tomorrow marks the end of the 08-09 EPL season. man, what a swashbuckling season, from the early dominance of liverpool, to their faded mid-season, to their subsequent revival and manchester united's wobble, the resulting hope for 'pool, followed by their ultimate failure, right up to the relegation dogfight taking place tomorrow, together with all the conspiracy theories, with united certainly having an eye on their champions league final.

but i'm really disappointed that arsenal have had another season of mediocrity (by their standards) and unfulfilled potential. i mean, to be honest, while i'm certainly not turning away from them, i must admit this constant talk about the future is getting rather irritating, and it's sounding increasingly like a mere tired excuse for arsenal's repeated failures. i mean, Wenger keeps talking about the great future of the club, but are these talented players going to stay to fulfill their potential at arsenal, if they keep seeing failure NOW? in my opinion (although i could be wrong), a classic proof of this point is Flamini's departure. he certainly was one of those earmarked by Wenger to grow and develop at arsenal, to fulfill his immense potential at arsenal, to contribute to arsenal's future glory, but after seeing that arsenal weren't achieving anything NOW, he decided to say au revoir to the professor Monsieur Wenger. (note: this is what i gather from news, etc, and my personal opinions, but we can never be sure of the exact situation over there can we?)

so anyway, if this were the case, honestly i don't think we can blame him y'know. i mean, a guy's gotta look after himself right? if he sees season after season of failure, you can't expect him to sit around and wait for that hallowed FUTURE can you? he's gotta look around and see where he can add to his trophy cabinet asap. in such a profession, time is never on your side right?

well, 09-10 beckons, and personally, i hope Wenger uses more cash. below are some of my ideas, however improbable some may be. just my humble two cents' worth of suggestions, i'm sure Wenger knows what he's doing.

1. all the talk's about Barry heading for 'pool, but i would love to see arsenal hijack him. i think he would be a great addition, perhaps finally filling the void left by Vieira. failing that, perhaps Alonso and his insane rocket missiles from the halfway line? then 'pool can go ahead and have their Barry haha..

2. if they're looking for a central defender, perhaps have a look at the manchester city duo of Richards or Kompany? i think their versatility would be a huge plus, being capable of filling in well at right back and central midfield respectively.

3. i'm a huge admirer of Deutsch duo Podolski and Schweinsteiger, but then again of course they come across as those typically "non-English type" of player, and you wonder how they would fare in the rough-and-tumble of the EPL.

4. if Downing doesn't fancy playing in the championship, where middlesbrough look likely to be playing, why not the lush fields of the emirates?

well then, we shall see!

carpe diem~

2009-05-14T23:44:00.005+08:00

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.

seize the moment, treasure the now.
believe.

2009-05-09T22:23:00.005+08:00

i really admire people who seem to have this unbridled, unconditional love for life, for living. theirs is a joy of living, a joy of the spirit, a celebration of their very existence.

it is this joie de vivre that is so terribly severely lacking in my life. instead, this all-pervading pessimism that makes it all look so bad, so bleak and gloomy. i don't know why it's like that. i don't think i've always been like that. perhaps life's beatings and buffetings have taken a real toll on me.

sometimes, in fact many times, i just want to sit back, relax, and shkrewwwww it all. like, seriously, heck care about every single shizz in my life. problem is, unless you get really emo and cut yourself or jump and die, doing that is gonna cause the shizz to come back with a vengeance and haunt you even more.

damn, even if all this can't go away, can't i even have a vent for surplus (emotion)??!! ahh damn, econs. *dies*

'cause we're living in a world of fools

2009-04-30T22:41:00.004+08:00

the other day, i was going through my phone photos from like waaayyy back, and apart from reminiscing about random times gone by, a number of things hit me.

i noticed i used to go out after school a lot more than i do now. glancing through those memories of visits to the randomest places like fort canning, bukit panjang plaza, and pretty much anywhere else, i can't help but snap bitterly back to the present reality of EE, TOK and the like, which collude in vile, detestable, pernicious repulsion to deprive me of any semblance of relaxation after school. and i realize i'm getting pretty worked up now just thinking about this enforced preoccupation with work.

i also realized, stuff that occurred like a few years back, somehow seemed surprisingly recent. like, i was sorta surprised i could actually remember the exact circumstances in which i had taken each picture. none of the pictures seemed alien or distant, but instead remained fresh in my memory. i guess this is what makes photographs so alluring, so charming, so intrinsically beautiful. they wordlessly and silently remind you of your fondest (and perhaps not so fond) memories of the past which, without them, would have slipped silently away into oblivion. and somehow, looking at those pictures, a strange sense of warmth comes over you. the pictures don't necessarily have to be depictions of particularly significant or poignant moments in your life. even mundane activities and outings with friends, when captured on film and revisited some time later, induce a sense of inexplicable joy and sometimes, a yearning for the past.

and yet, at the same time, i do not feel uneasy or disturbed deleting pictures which i feel have no more relevance or importance to me whatsoever. i guess i understand that though these pictures may fill me with fond memories, i realize that we cannot keep living in the past, and like it or not, we've to move on, and find new joys, new beginnings, in new environments and circumstances. and i know that those deleted pictures will be replaced in good time, by moments just as good, if not better.

breaking us down

2009-04-26T23:46:00.003+08:00

this is so random but idc, i'm gonna go ahead and spit it out!

i realize what really makes me stressed about work is the fear that it's gonna go on and on and on forever. as in like, it's gonna be a constant stream of work, with no time for breaks, no time for anything else at all in my life, constantly burdened by my work, even when i'm trying to chill or have fun.

y'see, i don't think i'm really that worried or stressed about having work to do, in itself, as an isolated event. i'm not scared of like sizing up something big, and telling myself, okay let's do this, and after it's over i can relax. it's not the work itself that causes the stress y'know what i mean. i mean yes of course it's somewhat stressful to do work and mug and all that, but i think it's so stressful mainly 'cuz i keep being bothered by the fact that like, dammit man, this isn't all, after this still got this, and this, and this, and this etc etc etc...

so it's like it's just so irritating that it's a continuous stream of work, and like there's nothing to look forward to. so very unlike the old days where "finish your work fast fast and then you can go and play!" it's the fact that there's just nothing to look forward to, the knowledge that you still have a gazillion things waiting for you, that makes it so damn sickening and draining and demoralizing, it makes you go like, screw it, what's the point anyway =X

okay thanks for reading -.-

2009-04-24T23:44:00.004+08:00

recently, it sorta occurred to me how much of my life's problems are pretty much related.

basically, it's like, okay i don't understand my work, so i can't do my assignments etc. properly, and it takes so damn long to do because i don't know how to do. so i end up spending lots of time on it, and i sleep late. so since i sleep late, i persistently feel so damn effing tired, and i want to sleep for as long as possible. so i wake up as late as possible. unfortunately, i always refuse to accept that i need at least like 30 minutes to get ready for school, so i always end up with not enough time in the morning, so i have to rush like mad, and sometimes i'm still late. and obviously all that trying to squeeze in an extra 5, 10 minutes of sleep doesn't help, when we're talking about losing HOURS of sleep to work, so i still feel tired anyway, even after trying to stretch my sleeping time. so i cannot focus properly, i cannot think properly, my brain is not functioning properly in school. so i can't absorb stuff properly, and then, it's back to not being able to do my work and taking so damn long. and ahh whatever, there's a whole lot more stuff regarding all this but i'm sick of it already. so shkreww it -.-

and viv tells me not to emo, so let's try to talk about happier stuff. uhmmm, okay, today i spent some time chilling with friends at billy bombers. nice to just screw it all and just relax for a while i guess. and and, CHEESE FONDUE OVERLOAD haha what the ______! seriously, idk what's gonna happen to my 2.4 timing =X

oh and, i bought guy sebastian's The Memphis Album. haha yes, i know, very slow =/ it's just a habit i guess, i always somehow put off buying until like, ages after the release. guess it helps increase my desire, so when i finally get it, i'll enjoy it more!! haha, i'm totally whacked i know -.- well, anyway, can't wait to listen. seriously, that GUY's totally ownage manz! hahaha geddit, that GUY is ownage =D

ah, okay guys, byebye. gonna enjoy his sexy voice now!

2009-04-21T23:46:00.003+08:00

first, i want to blog about soccer with churchies against mount carmel on saturday. manz, it was insane, in more ways than one. okay so i was expecting a sort of tiny pitch, given the venue of lianhua PRIMARY school?! but surprisingly, was sorta decent sized eh. well then, what else.. oh, the weather certainly was the most INSANE of all. like, totally whacked. i see from paul's post it was 35 degrees Celsius?! (haha pauly, i remembered to quote you this time, no more plagiarism!) yeah so uhmm, i'm not trying to be a wuss here, but seriously. can die =.= and uh, throughout the whole match, "eh gareth, relax ah!", "wah gareth, calm down abit leh", and uncle david "whoa gareth, playing with a lot of blood ah!" and the ref "there's too much pushing and foul play from you, next time, i'm not going to be so kind ah" LOLSZ =X haha, so fun what, what to do! but eh, i'm honestly so damn unfit, urghh. how to do army like that =/ and i messed up my left calf -.-but it was good. i had fun!

unfortunately, it's just these few slivers of time, these rare morsels of freedom when i can really let loose and heck care about all my work and forget everything. i realize most of the time, most of my LIFE, at least some part of my mind is occupied by work, like it's definitely bugging me, more or less. it's honestly very draining and frankly, irritating. i remember some time back, after the TOK oral presentation, my friend told me, "okay since TOK OP's over, today, i'm going to reward myself and chill for one day. I SHALL DO NOTHING TODAY!" okay, so it's come down to this hasn't it. a life in which taking a break doesn't mean going out with friends to town to chill, doesn't mean going to the movies, doesn't mean sitting and chilling at starbucks or coffee bean, doesn't mean talking about things we're dying to talk about. rather, relaxing after completion of a major piece of work is now reduced to simply doing nothing, because being able to do nothing is a real blessing in this ridiculously hectic hell-hole. what a piece of ____.

and now, even as i sit here typing this, i'm feeling so overwhelmed by all the stuff i need to do. (no, i'm not going to even bother typing out a list here, as seems to be the trend) basically, it's just crazy, and it's so absurd and farcical i don't even really feel the urge or the need to rush to do my work anymore. it's like, what's the point, what difference will it make anyway. so if you see me slacking around, joking around, seemingly without a care in the world, you would do well to note that it's not because i've suddenly managed to clear up all my stuff, it's because i really don't know anymore.

i don't know how to conclude this post properly, so i'll just say goodnight.
ciao.

2009-04-13T23:38:00.006+08:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh TOK OP IS OVER!!! shkrew you, you bane of my existence, threat to my health! over and done with you. no longer will you haunt me and torture me, for i am free from your evil clutches!!!!!!!!!!

okay, honestly, it didn't feel as bad as initially feared. it was sorta smooth sailing, and i even managed to garnish it with a few on-the-spot additions :-) yay me! haha, damn funny at the start, aries started singing the birthday song and then the markers found out it was me birthday. (so now that you know, thanks for my +5 marks, heh!)

me love goes out to all who remembered me, or wished me either in person, or on the phone, or on facebook, or even a combination of these, LOL! thanks much, folks, for everything yepp :-)

ahhh tiredszzz, nighty all :D

2009-04-10T10:41:00.004+08:00

man, still damn pi**ed at how i had to miss craig david's concert =/ see, at first, it was to be held at i think max pavilion or something. which was fine and good. then, for some reason, they changed it to zirca, so they had this age limit thingy, like 18. so his concert was like 2 days back, 8 april. so guess what, i couldn't attend one of me fave's concert because i missed the age limit thing by like FIVE days -.- and God knows when he'll come again. shkrewwy, shucky shizzz come on like seriously =.=

Stand up everybody
Get up now move your body
Straight up we're havin' a party
Cos tonight we're going all the way

so tok op is next monday (five extra marks as my birthday prezzies please??), and somehow, i'm not really feeling that nervy or worried =/ which is QUITE surprising, given that i hadn't really worked on it until like, 2 or 3 days back. ahh well, don't really wanna talk about it now, just shut up and touch up on it, talk about it after the thing.

and lol, what the ____, i've been told it's sorta troublesome to post comments here, so people are actually giving me comments in person, LOL.

"as i close my eyes, sit back while reminiscing" -

2009-04-07T23:37:00.008+08:00

i can't help but increasingly feel the strain of constantly toiling away at work. i don't if it's IB, or it's singapore, or if it's just me. but whatever the case, i certainly find it quite disconcerting that here i am, during holy week, working my a** off on geog IA, EE, world lit, and to top it all off, TOK OP next monday, ON MY BIRTHDAY -.-

i mean, it's really not like that big a deal, working like crazy during holy week, i mean, it's not like some significant serious stuff, where the sky will rumble in protest and lightning will strike your papers/laptop and burn it up and stuff, but i just find it very, poignant. it's sort of like caused me to reflect on work, life, kind of stuff, how this crazy life of toiling away is taking such a toll on me. i am reminded of how in the midst of all this, i've been putting aside so many other interests and pursuits and commitments, just for the mad rush of trying to stay on top of my work. of course, since it's holy week, i am reminded of the importance of maintaining a healthy relationship with God even through all this nonsense, but this has also served to remind me of so much other stuff that has been unceremoniously dumped by the wayside, rudely displaced by work. i fondly recall those hour-plus conversations with friends, both on the phone and in person. i remember days when we would randomly hang after school, either outside or even within the school. i remember when we would chill in class after school, playing the guitar/singing/doing all sorts of retarded stuff. or perhaps play soccer and get all sweaty and gross, either after school, or even during breaks.

fast forward to year 6, IBDP 2. good gracious, great gollywogs, what has become of life! relaxing heart to heart conversations have been close to non-existent, not because of cooling of friendships, but because of a lack of time, to even just TALK. sharing of cares, fears, joys, even gossip, are replaced by rushed, hasty updates and complaints about work. "okay okay enough, need to go do work already ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, bye"

chilling after school is now a prized luxury that occurs as often as ____ (sorry, can't find an analogy, but ah well, you get the point). immediately after the bell, "okay, lemme make a list of what i'm going to do when i get home. 1.world lit 2.geog IA 3.EE 4.bio prac, okay tyvm bye bye!!!" (rushes off to get home to start tackling the list)

oh and breaks, what breaks eh? they're simply breaks from lessons, not breaks as in real BREAKS, when you rest. you see, they're now used to rush to complete work to be handed in later in the day =/

ah, okay back to TOK folks. what a great life, i know!

2009-03-31T23:43:00.004+08:00

ahhhhhh, goodness gracious me, can't believe this could ever happen to me, but king lear is seriously engulfing my entire brain now. i just can't stop thinking about it!!!!!!!! i can't stop reciting random quotes and great titanic speeches, and this old, foolish, gravelly-voiced man keeps dominating my brain!!!! ahhh....helpppp!!! what's happening to me!

Suspend thy purpose if thou didst intend to make this creature fruitful!
Into her womb convey sterility,
Dry up in her the organs of increase,
And from her derogate body never spring a babe to honour her.
If she must teem, create her child of spleen, that it may live
And be a thwart disnatured torment to her.
Let it stamp wrinkles in her brow of youth
With cadent tears fret channels in her cheeks,
Turn all her mother's pains and benefits
To laughter and contempt
That she may feel how sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child!

heh, i typed that from memory by the way, whoooooooooooooooo :D

it's insanely addictive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-27T23:43:00.000+08:00

seeking a shimmering mirage in the inky darkness.

2009-03-23T23:07:00.003+08:00

so i was walking along, looking at the traffic, looking at the trees, looking at the people around me...anything to try and get my mind off work. i was thinking about nice songs i'd heard, trying to sing them without having people stare at me (see what see, never see people sing song is it?!)

so anyway, as i walked under a tree, i heard a distinctive call of a crow above. my mind immediately snapped to my horrible, dreaded, downright damned MATH PORTFOLIO ><

seriously, what the. perhaps i was even expecting a nut to fall right in front of me, to fit the question better =/ it's just how work is constantly swirling around, infiltrating every pore of my body, every deepest depth of my soul. it's omnipresent, and impossible to shake away.

recently, i was online at like 3, 4am, and it really amazed me how this trend, this culture, this religion of IBers being online at unearthly hours actually sort of turned into some sort of self-deprecating humour, with all the msn personal messages like 'bonding in the wee hours', 'sleep depriviant', 'note to self: never die from a viral illness' (HL math port hahaha), 'brainfugged', 'forget the acne. math port ans?', 'this late night zombie is blardee shacked' etc etc etc...

goodness me seriously. what a health hazard, you pesky little math port/IAs/EE/TOK...

2009-03-19T23:52:00.001+08:00

A little boy of thirteen was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing and he went to take a look
Thousands were listening to the stories of one man
He spoke with such wisdom, even the kids could understand

The hours passed so quickly, the day turned into night
Everyone was hungry but there was no food in sight
The boy looked in his lunchbox at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do, there were thousands to be fed

But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus
The kindness in His smile
And the boy cried out
With the trust of a child
he said:

"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all to feed them all"

I often think about that boy when I'm feeling small
And I worry that the work I do means nothing at all
But every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands
And every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All you need is my "Amen"

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small

I trust in you
I trust in you

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
No gift is too small

=D

2009-03-18T23:46:00.003+08:00

the weather's been swelteringly irritating. i wanted to run today but the insane ball of fire up there messed with my plans =( seriously, like 40 degrees??! plus, the heat zonked me out, so i just collapsed on the bed and became unconscious for like, erm, some time. and it's really annoying because it's not like i'm so free to just sleep the entire day away -.-

and i guess i'm feeling so intrinsically cranky about work and stuff, i felt cranky and irritable while asleep >< idk how, just somehow, even while asleep, i could feel irritated.

and today, i ate bread with margarine with COFFEE POWDER. very cool =/ just sprinkle some coffee powder on the bread and there you go. lol. was just feeling very frustrated about the chronic lack of random food lying around so i just decided to create my own random nonsense food. it's quite fun actually, just letting go of natural caution and ignoring pointless conventions and just throwing together a mish mash of whatever i can find, heck care about how it might turn out. one day i shall come up with a fantabulous culinary creation and i'll patent it hahahahaha!

cheers!

routine rant

2009-03-17T23:57:00.001+08:00

okay here we go again.

math port, as expected, is killing me, it's cramping my brain and screwing my senses. honestly, i don't see how it serves to "develop students' personal insight into the nature of mathematics", or allows me to "experience the satisfaction of applying mathematical processes" or my favourite, "provide students with the opportunity to experience for themselves the beauty, power and usefulness of mathematics". -.- seriously what the. please.

now, i wanted to go on and tear into all the other stuff i've gotta do, but complaining about math port sickened me already. so nope. another day perhaps =/

2009-03-15T21:55:00.001+08:00

The pursuit of perfection is the enemy of progress.

well said, well said.

2009-03-12T23:56:00.000+08:00

Life may not be the party we had hoped for, but while we’re here we might as well dance. =D

2009-03-10T23:58:00.001+08:00

help help. spamming EE. TOK's screwing up too. then again, what isn't heh. and i'm just too tired to do anything really. it's really quite irritating. i don't understand why after crashing one night, by not doing any work and just going to sleep early, i can still feel tired the next day. i think i'm experiencing chronic fatigue, where the fatigue is just so deeply ingrained into me that i can feel energetic and refreshed again only by doing something like sleeping for maybe 9-10 hours every night for 2 weeks straight. now this sounds like a perfectly reasonable mission, except that, well, to every IB-er, it's a luxury??

dies..

2009-03-08T20:30:00.001+08:00

oh Lord, grant me the strength to be a...

MAN OF STEEL.

2009-03-07T23:55:00.000+08:00

"The International Baccalaureate aims to develop inquiring, knowledgeable and caring young people who help to create a better and more peaceful world through intercultural understanding and respect.

To this end the organization works with schools, governments and international organizations to develop challenging programmes of international education and rigorous assessment.

These programmes encourage students across the world to become active, compassionate and lifelong learners who understand that other people, with their differences, can also be right."

laugh? or cry?

2009-03-05T23:54:00.000+08:00

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Chorus
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Chorus

But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

2009-03-02T22:24:00.002+08:00

Basic
Information
Before
Leaving
Earth

=D

what a sweet lovely little acronym to remind us of the importance of the Bible!

and er, happy belated birthday acs, lol. quite a huge improvement since oldham's time eh..

ahh, help, constantly flooded with work. seriously, it's so ridiculous i don't even feel the urgency to rush anymore. it's like, rushing and working my a** off ain't gonna help anyway, there's always gonna be a mountain of work there. it's no longer those halcyon days when you "quickly finish your work so you can go and play" :_(

sad.

2009-02-28T22:48:00.003+08:00

ohmygoodness, today so whack like crazy!!

tiring tiring day at yishun, painting walls! 0.0 okay i still think it's sort of pointless painting walls as community service, i mean it doesn't really benefit the residents y'know what i mean? like, i don't think people really take time to stand back and appreciate these splashes of colour on their wall when they're rushing to work, to school, or rushing home to sink into their bed and unwind. perhaps more practical stuff would be better, like lift upgrading or something, idk.

but anyway, okay, quite fun. but sometime in the afternoon, the heat got really ultra, and it made me really zonked out.

sigh, piles of work beckoning me =(

2009-02-26T22:44:00.003+08:00

i know we live in a dog eat dog world, but why can't we just be cats instead for once?

Sunny days, everybody loves them
Tell me can you stand the rain?
Storms will come, this we know for sure
Can you stand the rain?

2009-02-22T23:59:00.000+08:00

All the colors of the rainbow
All of voices of the wind
Every dream that reaches out
That reaches out to find where love begins

Every word of every story
Every star in every sky
Every corner of creation
Lives to testify

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

From the mountains to the valleys
From the rivers to the sea
Every hand that reaches out
Every hand that reaches out to offer peace

Every simple act of mercy
Every step to kingdom come
All the Hope in every heart will
Speak what love has done

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

2009-02-19T23:58:00.002+08:00

my oh my, past few days have been totally whack like seriously, been super duper ultra uber omega busy and just...aaarrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!! it's really been a whirlwind of epic proportions, and i rest assured that this is only the tip of the iceberg =( then again, perhaps it's because i sorta slacked last year =/ but i was so busy last year too!!!!

bio prac 23's been haunting me for weeks! and i'm so glad it's over. dead. buried. done and dusted. finished. gracious me, all the extra lab visits, smelling the antiseptic smell of the lab, endless visits to the plant shop, carting sodium bicarbonate solution and hydrilla around, and AND, having to put up with the persistant irritability and impatience of that woman =X

okay, anyway, under pressure FTW a gazillion times over! absolutely terrific mans, like really. i really really enjoyed it, i think it's really something we all can relate to, it really strikes a chord within! and, so funny!!! goodness, hilarious man! the pay-to-use toilet that's just so whack, and random exclamations of XOXO at just the right moments, and totally crazy classes, and and everything else!! awesomeszzz guys!!

well that was just a momentary respite, sigh. had to study for two tests this week, and nice one, knew about wednesday's geog test only on tuesday =/ there's really a never ending stream of work and stuff, tiring me out like mad.

IB, sigh.

2009-02-07T22:45:00.005+08:00

okay, i know this is VERY VERY gay, and it's kinda meant for female people, but idc, i feel like doing it. Thanks viv!

01. What was the last song you sang in the shower?
Haha, i don't sing in the shower!

02. When was the last time you saw a friend?
Yesterday, in school.

03. Who was the last person you saw?
My momma.

04. What was the last thing you had to eat?
Big Mac! and insanely salty twister fries!

05. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Diet Coke

06. When was the last time you said "Bye" to someone?
A few minutes ago, on the phone.

07. When was the last time you showered?
A few hours ago.

08. What was the last movie you rented?
Haha, can't remember...way back in time

09. What was the last movie you saw in the theater?
Hahaha way back as well, lifeless shiz. The Day The Earth Stood Still maybe?

10. What was the last song you listened to?
Us Against The World-Westlife

11. When was the last time you kissed someone?
LOL, can't remember!

12. What was the last grade you received on a test?
AH, let's not talk about this =(

13. What was the last thing you said out loud?
"Uh"

14. When was the last time you felt scared?
Hahaha, can't remember...i'm such a brave boy hahaha =)

15. When was the last time you hugged someone?
Can't remember too =(

16. What was the last make-up product you used?
Hahahaha, some face cream thingy, years back when i was playing around with mum's stuff =D

17. When was the last time you played a musical instrument?
A gazillion years ago, the guitar

18. Who was the last person you thought about?
LOLLLLZZZ, my bio teacher Joogal! cos, i was worrying about my bio prac -.-

19. What was the last television show you watched?
Haha, idk. No time for TV. Like i said, lifeless shiz =/

20. Who was the last person you checked out?
Haha, i'm way too innocent for this kind of thing =p

21. What was the last thing you laughed at?
HAHA, Mr Joogal's antics, when i thought about him!

22. When was the last time you went shopping?
Last week.

23. What was the last compliment you received?
Sigh, so few, i don't remember any =(

24. When was the last time you had fast food?
Haha, just now.

2009-01-27T22:25:00.001+08:00

"Show me how to do like you
Show me how to do it"

2009-01-24T23:23:00.003+08:00

recently, i spotted this on shoban's blog. "Humans are full of flaws, the amoeba is one of the most perfect organisms"- Paul Cheong

i think paul cheong has made a wonderfully excellent observation. initially, it appears to be one of those type of "you guys will fail", or "you all are going to die" sort of comment that he is known for, but upon further consideration, i feel it certainly is very true, and it's really cool to think about it this way.

just think, there are literally a million things that could go wrong with the human body. there's an entire galaxy of ailments out there, from the minor cold which the whole world seems to be having right now, right through to the serious stuff like heart diseases and cancer and renal failure and stuff. and although we hardly look at it this way, don't all these illnesses arise at least partly due to the complexity of the human body? simply because if there are more parts, there is a greater chance of something going wrong!

now just look at the pathetic-looking amoeba. it consists of a grand total of ONE measly cell. now just how much can go wrong there?? isn't life a lot less complicated and free of worries for the amoeba? no such thing as organ failure or brain damage or lung cancer or WHATEVER!

i think this minimalist sort of concept certainly can be observed in our lives. even in technology. y'see, do you realize when some cellphone bug arrives, it's always those smart phones that get affected first? they just have too many functions for the bug to enter, and it's hard to protect every aspect of the phone. and when some wretched computer bug arrives, it's always those with the latest, most high tech operating systems and most sophisticated applications that get hit the worst. same concept!

so i think, humans are already complicated enough. let's not make life even more complicated for ourselves by indulging in scandalous and sneaky behaviour. let us do what we ought to do, and stay away from vice and immorality. let us learn from the amoeba!

2009-01-22T23:39:00.004+08:00

perhaps today served as another reminder to me that i must learn to stop overreacting to things, according to how i feel on the spur of the moment. that it is oh so crucial to be able to be calm and unflappable, take things on board and think through them carefully and cogently.

and what makes it even more sucky is that once you get into that horrid mood, it's very difficult and stressful to emerge from it, and it's really annoying to have to deal with so many mixed-up emotions within.

chinese new year festivities seem to be hotting up everywhere, everyone's getting the vibes. and in the midst of all these celebrations, something that really flummoxes me is why chinese new year always seems to be a much more greatly anticipated and celebrated event than the new year, as in 1 january. just look at the scale of it all, 2 days of public holiday, as compared to just 1 january, so much more pomp about it, with all the traditional visiting and reunions and red packets and all. now just why, is chinese new year always such a much bigger event than the new year? y'see, it's celebrated only by the chinese people. yes, okay they make a huge proportion of singaporeans, but the 'real' new year is celebrated by even more people! it's celebrated WORLDWIDE! it's a global, and (almost) synchronized event, while the chinese new year is celebrated only by like, china, singapore, and little pockets of chinese in the chinatowns of various countries? so i don't really understand why the festivities of chinese new year always exceed that of the 'real' new year.

ah well anyway. i don't care if cny is extended to like, a month if the accompanying holidays are extended too =D

2009-01-21T22:14:00.002+08:00

okay, i think my health has just taken yet another turn for the worse. began to feel kind of feverish today, thanks for generously sharing your bug yt! so now, my body is ravaged by all sorts of illnesses you can think of, with loads of phlegm making my throat more congested than jakarta's roads, nose flowing faster than the niagara. and now, the head's experiencing these weird throbbing sensations. -.-

and now that paul's mentioned it, indeed, loads of people are falling sick. like, not the temporary illness you get when there's a deadline, but real, solid bugs that strike you down and keep you pinned there. i'm honestly half-suspecting there's some serious sort of vicious virus making the rounds out there =/

i realize there's this insane block of 1hr 40min mega lesson right at the start of most days. now this really sucks. real bad. what a way to start the day. and this reminds me of that ginormous super duper 2hr 20min econs lesson last year. seriously. if only lessons were no longer than 40 min.

funny thing is, for some reason, i'm finding it easier to keep awake during lessons as compared to last year. not that it's a complete breeze, but just, easier. well i hope it holds up.

oh and obama's inauguration was magnificent! splendid, that man. wishing him all the best! now what i don't understand is why there's this widespread hatred or disapproval of bush. i mean, okay he did leave behind unfinished wars and a crippled economy, perhaps things could have been better, but personally i feel he did a decent job overall. i'm no politics or world issues expert, and i can't exactly pinpoint any outstanding, remarkable achievements, but i just feel he's always put his country first and he's genuinely worked hard for his country. decent, humble servant, and deserves more recognition for his endeavour and spirit.

2009-01-18T23:49:00.004+08:00

i think today's message really impacted me, and really served to wake me up a little.

it was about loving one another, loving fellow believers, and i think this certainly is one aspect i could be more diligent in. 1 John 4:7-12 shows why it is the "plain duty" of believers to love another. i think this is significant for me, because looking back, i think i have treated my fellow believers somewhat nonchantly. as in, when i go about interacting with people, it doesn't really weigh on my mind that, oh, so and so is a Christian, etc. and because i don't look at them that way, because i see them simply as 'just another person', i cannot adequately perform my "plain duty" of loving my fellow believers.

and then pastor bernard said that "love is a defining mark of a Christian". so if i haven't been being actively aware that so and so is a believer, and hence i don't consciously love him as a fellow Christian, then doesn't this "defining mark" become a lot less prominent in me? and doesn't that mean that i am not properly displaying the presence of God in my life, and not being a good testimony for Him?

he also explained the importance of fellowshipping in small groups, which again, i felt is very relevant to me. he said that it is in our groups that we can adequately demonstrate and express this love for one another, since it is of course impossible to achieve that level of intimacy within the entire congregation.

so dear God, help us love one another because You are love, because You loved us in Christ, and because Your love is thereby seen in our love.

2009-01-16T23:24:00.002+08:00

feeling sick. been this way since yesterday. or the day before yesterday. or rather night. or rather, when i was lying down waiting for sleep to turn to wakefulness. anyway, it sucks. but it seems to give me this gravelly voice which, as i was told, sounds nice.

2hr 20min of econs today was no joke. quite the opposite really. i think keynes is a really irritating man. or half man. multiplier and accelerator stuff is seriously a huge pain.

paddy clarke HAHAHA! now that book is some serious shiz. so now i know it's possible to win the booker prize simply by narrating random events that happen around you. like, oh i see a cat licking itself. i walked down to the jetty. the ships came in a variety of shapes, sizes and colours. the sea was calm. the skies are blue, the clouds are white, the trees are green. i walked down the beach and listened to the sound of the waves lapping against the shore. liam and aidan wanted to go home. to their mum-less home. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........

but it's irish, that's cool :D

2009-01-14T23:53:00.002+08:00

i need to be more witty, like, be able to come up with stuff on the spot.

and i think my body's really breaking down. physically and emotionally. that sounds emo. EMO. which reminds me. reason and emotion are two ways of knowing which enable to see things not as they are but as we are. so there.

when violets turn red
and roses turn blue

2009-01-12T23:36:00.002+08:00

i'm really starting to feel that work is seriously getting in the way of forging bonds and maintaining existing ones. i just worry that in the midst of this crazy whirlwind of IB, there won't be time or energy to do anything other than work work work work and work. relationships deteriorate and health suffers. i really don't want to become so caught up in work that i lose sight of everything else. and i really don't want to lose people who are dear to me in that merciless maelstrom of EE, TOK, IAs, hardcore mugging and the like.

every day now feels like such a terrible drudgery. lessons, along with faces, simply float past and it gets really tiring. clichéd as it sounds, i want to get away from it all. but it's so impossible. it's all or nothing.

2009-01-11T23:53:00.002+08:00

i'm feeling quite apprehensive about school this year. like, i'm worried i'll really get too stressed or too panicky about exams and stuff, and end up with some really major problems. like, this time, really really, it feels quite stressful and scary y'know.

i mean like just ONE measly miserable week has passed, and it's already so bad. it's true, assignments, IAs and the whole world is really pouring, gushing, forcing its way in. it's true, IB is some serious shiz.

i'm really kinda concerned about how i'm going to be able to deal with all this and do well. omg, no please, i don't wanna be in year 6, really. please take me back to sec 1 NOW. or better still, back to primary 1. how about kindergarten. er, how 'bout not existing at all.

2009-01-07T22:44:00.003+08:00

of late, i have been making a conscious effort to smile more. i'm feeling quite pleased about it, because everyone has been telling me how spooky/creepy/angry/emo i look. and thinking back, indeed i think have been displaying a horrible expression, even when greeting people, or saying bye and stuff. so i told myself that i MUST smile more, so =)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)

recently, i came across this article somewhere dishing out some well-meaning advice on preparing for the new year. one piece of advice that left a deep impression on me was something to do with surrounding yourself with people who really love and care about you and making an effort to avoid people who annoy you. i know this appears very straightforward and commonsensical, but i just felt that it's something very relevant to me, and it was a good reminder to me to be constantly aware of who my true friends are, and to appreciate them even more. looking back, i feel that in the past, perhaps sometimes i would be too eager to make friends and stuff, and i feel that many times, i have perhaps been too accomodating to the whims and fancies of others, and allowed them to exert their demands on me, and subconsciously allowed them to push me around. i also subconsciously allowed their words and actions to affect me, especially emotionally. however, it is with a clearer perspective now that i realize i can't please everyone, or make everyone love me, and there is no point in me getting affected by what some people have to say about me and to me. at the end of the day, i know who are important to me, and it is not worth my time and effort worrying about people who don't really care about me and are difficult to deal with.

have a blessed 2009 all. =D

2009-01-04T23:58:00.002+08:00

Climb every mountain,
Search high and low,
Follow every highway,
Every path you know.

Climb every mountain,
Ford every stream,
Follow every rainbow,
'Till you find your dream.

A dream that will need
All the love you can give,
Every day of your life
For as long as you live.

2008-12-31T17:27:00.003+08:00

i really do not know why it keeps ending up like this. i think after a while, it gets really depressing. you just keep receiving repeated pummellings and the endless onslaughts hack away at your confidence, your self-belief, your soul, and pretty much your whole being. and it's not even supposed to be like, anything big or major. just some small little simple thing, as mundane as deciding where to meet up, or what movie to watch, or what to do, or which piece of work i must accomplish today.

small stuff like that. and i don't seem to be very good at getting them right.

2008 is all but over. and i don't get just why at the end of the year, when people reflect about the year gone by, it's always overwhelmingly positive. whatever horrid stuff that has happened, whatever mud you've been dragged through, just doesn't seem to suppose to matter. even if people acknowledge that there've been bad times, they just gloss over them and dismiss them without so much as a backward glance. i don't understand why it's generally considered negative and pessimistic and EMO to feel bad about the year gone by, and to admit it. i'm sure lots and lots of people, if given the chance, would want to live the year, even their entire lives, all over again. if you genuinely feel negative about it, why not just say it?

i think it's been happening to me a lot. and i can't help but feel so terribly negative about this lengthy vacation period, again. it's a cycle really, and just why it is so hard to escape it perplexes me. every year, at the end of the year. it just feels so bad and so wasted and so @#$% and so jhuiwhjokqiuqhjoqoajsjmewgdydjkda.

there's always a part of me telling myself that i must continue to trust God, that He will definitely show me a way out of the enveloping darkness, that there will indeed be light at the end of that seemingly never-ending tunnel, because He has promised that He will not give us more than we can bear.

but sometimes, it's just SO hard to see things that way.

2008-12-30T23:32:00.000+08:00

"If the Ferrari president is right about the Singapore GP being a circus, then we have to be grateful to him for providing the clowns." -Bernie Ecclestone

2008-12-29T16:36:00.002+08:00

sigh!! eh, really sad that vietnam clinched the AFF suzuki cup =( or rather, more like i'm sad thailand lost.

ok i'm not really sure myself why i would have preferred thailand to have won actually. LOL. it's just, as they say, ONE OF THOSE THINGS.

fine fine, perhaps the viets do deserve their victory, defeating the two previous champions along the way (my poor darling Lions, sob). they certainly have played commendably: stout defending, especially that guy, le phuoc tu? i think. attacking with pace and flair....

but somehow there's just this...charm?! about the thais..LOL. ok, i really don't know how to describe it, just so lovely to watch them. but yeah, admittedly, the general consensus is that many of them have disappointed in this tournament. certainly, a lot more was expected of dudes like datsakorn thonglao and suree sukha etc etc...BLEH..

oh, and personally, i find it quite funny that duong hong son clinched the MVP award. but then again, well, perhaps there hasn't really been any single player who has really stood out in this tournament.

2008-12-28T23:59:00.001+08:00

finally. an arsenal win.

it's been a really horrid time to support this bunch of guys i tell you. they really have the capacity to frustrate you beyond measure! conceding last-gasp equalizers or winners, utterly dominating but failing to score, throwing away two-goal leads?! you name it, arsenal's done it.

well. and it seems liverpool certainly are a lot tougher these days. but they've been fortunate results have been going their way too! on numerous occasions, when they've slipped up, chelsea, while breathing down their necks, have failed to take full advantage.

but certainly, credit to pool. they certainly do appear to have loads of quality, and have also demonstrated an ability to grind out results, even when not dominating.

and eh i must say, if the title's really beginning to look out of arsenal's grasp, i'm really hoping pool will clinch it heh =) please please just keep it away from manchester united or chelsea....and hey, aston villa winning it would be cool too!

2008-12-26T23:55:00.002+08:00

"It just shows you how far this club has come that the giants of the world are looking at our players. We might not have the best of surroundings to do interviews, you might go to other places and have champagne and canapes - whereas here you get a mince pie and a cup of tea out of a machine - but the most important thing is what I have got on the pitch." -Steve Bruce

2008-12-25T23:26:00.002+08:00

this Christmas, let us all pause to reflect upon the true meaning of Christmas!

Santa lives at the North Pole
JESUS is everywhere

Santa rides in a sleigh
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water

Santa comes but once a year
JESUS is an ever present help

Santa fills your stockings with goodies
JESUS supplies all your needs

Santa comes down your chimney uninvited
JESUS stands at your door and knocks.. and then enters your heart

You have to stand in line to see Santa
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name

Santa lets you sit on his lap
JESUS lets you rest in His arms

Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, What's your name?"
JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads

Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly
JESUS has a heart full of love

All Santa can offer is Ho Ho Ho
JESUS offers Health, Help and Hope

Santa says "You better not cry"
JESUS says "Cast all your cares on Me for I care for you"

Santa's little helpers make toys
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions

Santa may make you chuckle but
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength

While Santa puts gifts under your tree
JESUS became our gift and died on the tree

remember who Christmas is all about, put Christ back in CHRISTmas!

Here's wishing all a very blessed Christmas, and may He guide us through the new year!

2008-12-23T23:31:00.001+08:00

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes'.

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else-the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.'

2008-12-22T23:29:00.002+08:00

this is really saddening, really.

i'm really sad that my dear lions were unable to bring home a third straight asean title, #$%& good grief, they way they played against vietnam! and shahril ishak was the man, man.

sigh, this is sad, sad. but it looked so promising in the group stage! perfect record, and a 2-0 win against indonesia on their own turf certainly must be commendable, whichever way you look at it.

man, why did it all unravel in the semi finals!! that poor first leg draw in vietnam, then this, after dominating and creating loads of chances.

aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhh! eh, it's really sad ok, please.

and arsenal? another draw. gunners gunners!!!!!

2008-12-19T22:47:00.000+08:00

stress..sucks. sigh.

2008-12-18T23:06:00.001+08:00

Thinking back when we first met
I remember what you said
You said you'd never leave me
I let go of your hand
Built my castle in the sand
But now I'm reachin' out again
And I'm not letting go
Till you

Hold me
Mold me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
See, I gotta find my way back home
So why don't you
Shape me
make me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way
Back home

Master upon my knees i pray
I just want to be the clay
Put your arms around me
Place my life in your hands
Lord, I know I'm just a man
I know you understand
This time I'm not letting go
Till you

Anoint me
Appoint me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
See, I gotta find my way back home
So why don't you
Chastise me
Baptize me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way

'Cause I'm lost and alone
I've been wandering
Long enough to know
Humbly I search for you
And I'm not gonna rest
Till you

Choose me
Use me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
I'm on my way back home
So why don't you
Direct me
Bless me
Wash me whiter then the snow
I'm on my way
Back home

a tribute to william éric gallas

2008-12-15T23:27:00.007+08:00

so. the past few weeks certainly have been tumultuous for gallas, there's no denying that. but why? what exactly is the problem here? yes to be fair, of course i can't be sure as well, as i am not in any way affiliated to arsenal or gallas himself, but merely one of the scores of arsenal supporters. whatever it is, it is evident that gallas has not endeared himself to many, and it is now cool to hate and criticize him.

i just felt that in the face of such vehement and vitriolic criticism, i had to come out and openly show my support for this man. yes, i agree that openly whining about the team's troubles to the media is certainly not the wisest or most advisable thing to do, and yes, he should not have done it.

but, i think we ought to consider the bigger picture. even if that was a mistake on gallas' part, i feel that i can understand why he was feeling so frustrated. certainly, being constantly in the spotlight heaps immense pressure on anyone, and in a moment of petulance, he cracked. that doesn't make his actions excusable, but i just wish people would be more understanding.

gallas' emotional protest last season against birmingham city has also been commonly cited. well, personally, i do not see any issue here, and from my point of view, it is a classic case of the media trying to whip up a frenzy over nothing, just to create a talking point and give themselves stories to run. to me, although gallas' actions were not exactly commendable, he certainly did not do anything wrong, and again, i can fully understand his frustrations at that time. furthermore, i feel that such an outburst of emotions clearly showcased his deep passion and enthusiasm for arsenal, his will and desire to win, and his unwavering commitment to the arsenal cause.

on this note of passion and commitment, i must highlight that on numerous occasions, i have seen gallas celebrating joyfully after a hard-fought win, gesturing emphatically at the arsenal fans, urging them to rejoice and revel in the moment. i feel that throughout his time at arsenal, he has always played with lots of heart. i truly feel that his passion for the club really shines through.

so william gallas, please continue the good work you have done for the club. may you keep your head up and be reassured that there are fans out there who appreciate your good work. here's wishing you all the best in your future endeavours.
(arsenalpics.com)

2008-12-13T23:49:00.002+08:00

LOL. peeling coconuts is fun!

first, you chop the top thingy off. then you can reach the good stuff in there. smooth silky sweet stuff sliding down your throat.

and throughout the whole time i was hacking away at the husk, i couldn't stop thinking about primary school science. "Method of dispersal- The fibrous husk enables the coconut to float on water." LOL.

2008-12-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

oh boy, quarantine's really cool i must say. really enjoyed watching it.

it's not like the typical sort of horror thingy, where they just throw in random chunks of senseless blood and gore and guns and grenades and ghosts and dark rooms, just for the sake of scaring the audience. i mean, i found the storyline itself quite cool, even if a little improbable.

man, am i turning into some sort of movie freak?! like, throughout the whole year, there wasn't any movie that really interested me, y'know like, nothing really grabbed my attention and compelled me to go watch it. then suddenly, within the span of like, 2 months, there's suddenly movie after movie lining up and calling out to me, desperately craving my viewership..arghhh..eh, i don't wanna get addicted y'know. i've always taken pride in my indifference towards movies, even as the whole world goes crazy over bond, HSM, star wars and what-have-you.

anyway. go watch quarantine. it's cool :D

blueberry flavoured potato chips? oooh.

2008-12-10T22:15:00.004+08:00

LOL. china seriously has got the wackiest stuff in the world. they've got melamine milk, all sorts of chemicals in their vegetables, giant animals due to the gazillions of drugs the feed them...

and, the chips they come up with, good grief. ok lets see. they've got this pork ribs flavour thingy. and then there's this "black pepper ribeye steak" flavour??!! goodness knows how they inject the flavour in...and goodness knows what on earth goes into the flavouring =/

it gets better. there's this lime?! flavour. it leaves a very funny sour taste, very weird indeed, coming from a potato chip.

then we've got the cucumber flavour 0.0 oh my goodness gracious me man. what wonky stuff these people come up with. it's really hilarious yeah.

and my personal favourite. introducing, the blueberry flavoured potato chip! now, how 'bout that huh. it's sort of like dipping chips in gatorade or something, that's the kind of taste we're talking about. and it's got this really strange cooling effect, similar to what you experience when you pop a mint.

people in china seriously, they eat anything.

2008-12-09T23:09:00.002+08:00

1 Timothy 4:12 opens with "Let no man despise thy youth". when i first got to know this verse, i thought, duhhh, why would anyone hate being young?! when you're older, you suffer from illnesses, become less fit, all that kind of stuff.

but of course, this verse means more than just that. it's about not looking down on ourselves, or not underestimating our capabilities just because we are young. the Scriptures show us examples of young people achieving great things, such as David when he conquered Goliath, and also Solomon when he became king of Israel. Solomon felt inadequate, and asked the Lord for guidance, and the Lord blessed him.

so, i shall revel in my youth. i shall go about with the mindset that in spite of my relative youth, i can.

2008-12-07T23:57:00.001+08:00

"Nobody gets too much heaven no more
It's much harder to come by
I'm waiting in line
Nobody gets too much love anymore
It's as high as a mountain
And harder to climb"

2008-12-05T17:07:00.003+08:00

yet, in the midst of my contemporary urban life, i periodically need the warm comfort of the simpler things in life.

i want to walk around looking fine and dandy, just for the fun of it. i don't have to want to go anywhere in particular, i just want to hang and chill with people i want to chill with.

i also want to laze around without feeling that i'm wasting time. i want to just sit or lie somewhere and just let the thoughts and emotions flow uninhibited. i don't want to feel the need to curb anger, or suppress sorrow.

just why is this society such a complicated one? why is it so developed, yet so immature? why is everyone so complex and un-innocent and unfeeling and unhuman? why do we construct so many firm barriers between ourselves? i want to be able to tell loved ones that i love and appreciate them, without eliciting shock and queer responses from them. i want to be able to express affection without inviting scandalous gossip and whispered rumours. i want to be able to tell people about the impact they've made on me and what they mean to me, without making them feel uneasy or wary.

"Our Father who art in Heaven
Come down here and make your presence known
We can't do it on our own
The lunatics let run the asylum
How can we find peace inside your home
When you can't trust your own"

2008-12-04T16:41:00.005+08:00

it's funny, but i think i would quite like a more hectic lifestyle. yes, when the whole world's going crazy over work and bending over backwards just to try and cram every single one of their gazillion activities into 24 hours, here i am wishing and longing for more buzz in my life.

and it's not as if i'm so free you know. it's not like i've got absolutely nothing to do and i find myself lazing around and lying in bed until midday simply because there's nothing to do after i get up. no, man, it's so not like that. in fact, it's quite the contrary really.

so why do i crave more rush, more happenings, more life in my life? well, it's probably a matter of feeling this human urge to socialize, this innate, deep-residing need to go out and talk to people, to see and be seen. because i want to fill my life and my time with so much stuff that i don't have to be alone, so that i won't end up vegetating and rotting away.

but then again, being alone and away from the hustle and bustle of society can be refreshing and invigorating. i wonder how it would be like if in the course of my lifetime so far, i didn't get to know anybody, i didn't get the chance to mix around with anyone, anywhere. would i be in a state of bliss? if you don't get to know anyone, you can't experience the feeling of missing anyone right? so that's one less negative feeling. and perhaps i wouldn't feel lonely, because i would think that being alone all the time is a most natural state of being. i certainly do like being alone sometimes, especially if i'm at an isolated and picturesque location. such situations are where i can really think about things like my happiness, my work, my walk and relationship with God, and so on. it can be great really, a welcome change from thinking about like, when this assignment is due, what time my appointment tomorrow is, what is tested for the upcoming test, and how many words i've covered for my EE.

but in spite of such benefits of being alone, i guess it's natural to want to socialize and rush around at times. therefore the desire to pack my life.

in addition, being busy forces one to practise the valuable skill of being constantly self-disciplined in managing his time. if i were really busy, with loads of stuff going on simultaneously, i think i would have no choice but to be an excellent steward of my time, and even my resources, and my life in general. there would be no room for wallowing in self-pity, indulging in extravagant activities and other related unproductive matters. i wouldn't be slack, but instead, constantly on the go. and i believe being busy and having loads of things to do does not necessarily mean being stressed or zonked out at the end of the day. because i think if i really manage my life with aplomb, i would find time amidst all the work for recreation and rest as well. although it can be argued that if i were freer, i would not even need to be so disciplined and well-organized anyway, i think that being too free would cause me to over-relax and this would lead to a fall in the standard and quality of any work produced. so i think being busy and managing my life well would be preferable to being free and lazing around.

so please, dear Lord, create in me a life of vibrance.

2008-12-02T23:53:00.001+08:00

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
Earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter's power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death's sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

2008-11-30T23:33:00.002+08:00

long, lonely and quiet walks all by myself can be therapeutic. i guess maybe that's just one of my ways of escaping from the wiles of life's intricate web of complexities.

free myself. the freedom of solitude. when i can be absolutely free from the clutches of this zoo, when i can talk and laugh and cry and sing and jump and dance and yell and be a retard without anyone commenting.

and, singing and talking to cats can be therapeutic too. they don't answer back or criticize your pitch and rhythm and stuff. they just regally sit there and (appear to) appreciate your company.

2008-11-27T23:57:00.000+08:00

God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way.

By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today.

2008-11-25T23:11:00.003+08:00

i think sunday's message has a really great relevance to my life. it was about Spiritual Friendships. the speaker was great, he vividly shared about his life experiences and his friends way back from school. he talked about how one of his friends had helped him through his darkest days, through simple gestures like taking him out to lunch and simply lending a listening ear. and i found the entire message really very simple, and yet very powerful. it reminded me of "the more important things in life" sort of stuff.

i'm thinking, perhaps i'm suffering from a dearth of such spiritual friendships. i feel like my relationships with so many people are so terribly superficial and fake, and with no semblance of spirituality in them.

and.

i think it's really getting quite serious for arsenal. as if losing match after match isn't bad enough. now they've got to deal with internal unrest and turmoil. no matter how hard arsene wenger tries to gloss over everything and dismiss suggestions of a crisis, it's quite plain to see, that it's NOT good. =(

so.

what a world this is.

2008-11-24T23:32:00.001+08:00

i keep feeling that, in this world, we must believe in and LOVE ourselves. the world is constantly against the individual, and for the individual to thrive, he must love himself, apart from God. so, yes, i HEART myself. yayyy!!!

i frequently wonder why we live in a world that is so terribly complicated. or rather, i wonder why so many people in this world want to make life so complicated. why do people just love to complicate matters? why do they love to create something out of nothing? why do they love looking for scandals and gossiping about others' affairs?

i really wish i live in a world where there is none of such nonsense. a world where everyone loves one another and lives peacefully. a world where everyone is childlike and innocent, devoid of the urge to cheat, to steal and to take advantage of one another.

"So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees"

2008-11-22T20:08:00.002+08:00

wonderful wonderful Singapore Armed Forces FC!!!! ok, i'm not sure what else there is for me to say. i mean, their sterling results just speak for themselves, and they sure speak really really loudly!

my heartiest congratulations to them on clinching the RHB Singapore Cup, and in doing so, accomplishing another Double! so that makes it an unprecedented double Double! i really admire the hard work richard bok has put in for the team, and terrific work dudes!

goodness, the Cup final! the slick passing and movement, solid, well-organized defending....i think it was a really great display they put on! and and, shaiful esah! dude! those curly wurly free kicks, corners and crosses, &^&$#@!#@#!@#$%&^* again, really they speak for themselves man.

so, really, just keep it up lads! SAFFC FTW!!!

and arsenal. tonight, hmmm. ok, robinho's doing great, but i'm sure he CAN be stopped, really. i'm sure the lads will pull together and give a good account of themselves. so yes, c'mon c'mon c'mon!!!

2008-11-18T22:10:00.002+08:00

today, i was sitting in the bus, quietly watching the world flash past my eyes. at some point, a little girl boarded with a lady i presume to be her mum. she skipped happily to her seat, and after a while, she began reading aloud from a book.

intially, she read softly, though audibly. however, as she got into the groove, she began reading more and more loudly. her mum turned to her, and gently told her not to read so loudly, so as not to disturb other passengers. although the girl immediately obeyed, she soon got overly engrossed in her book again, and the mother again gently reminded her to quieten down. again, the girl sweetly obeyed.

not too long after, the bus stopped at a CERTAIN JC, and a huge horde of students boarded. needless to say, the students were noisy, and created a din in the bus. i immediately reflected upon the moments not too long before, when the little girl quietened down upon her mother's instructions. and right there before her eyes, were those students disturbing other passengers by making far more noise than she did.

well, basically it was just one of those poignant moments for me, and i thought it was really ironic.